Sunday Mornings

10/29/13

 

 

Every Sunday morning, my mom wakes me up at three;

She knows how my alarm clock always disappoints me.

 

She irons my clothes and shines my shoes with care;

For a year and a half I have been wearing the same pair.

 

The smell of eggs and bacon leaks through the door;

Perfect breakfast just for me--what else to ask for?

 

She boils water and pours some into my morning bath;

She knows just how much I hate cold's aftermath.

 

I drift through my patterns like a predictable rhyme;

Her stares are comforting and daunting at the same time.

 

Before I leave the house, she hugs and kisses me;

Her scent is a mixture of cigarette and coffee.

 

Then she goes to bed like any tired woman would,

Sleeping with a smile for the gift of motherhood.

 

--------------------------

 

Three in the morning, I am awakened by a tap.

What I see next greeted me like a slap.

 

Neatly laid out on the desk is my Sunday dress.

Under the chair are shoes gleaming to impress.

 

Aroma of eggs and bacon fills the atmosphere.

I can hear the kettle whistling somewhere near.

 

I catch the feeling there's someone I cannot see.

Then the smell of cigarette and coffee has embraced me.

 

Sunday morning duties compelling her to stay.

My beloved mother died just yesterday...

 

Author's Note

Don't tell my mother I "killed" her in this poem. She might resign from her maternal tasks on Sunday mornings. :)

Reviews

[Angel]

Sounds like you have a great Mom.
I won't tell her about her untimely death...
If you promise you'll run and give her a huge hug.

Right now!!!! Scoot!!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Haha, thank you, Angel... :)

[CLM]

Not going to review For Sennah as it is out of my little box.

As for this poem:

Every Sunday morning, my mom wakes me up at three; (no comma needed, no semicolon needed)
She knows how my alarm clock always disappoints me. ( drop "how")

The smell of eggs and bacon leaks through the door; ( find another word for "leaks" and drop the semicolon. How many poems have you read that have semicolons in them?)

She knows just how much I hate cold's aftermath. ( article "the" needed before "cold's" )

Sunday morning duties compelling her to stay.
My beloved mother died just yesterday...
(the juxtaposition of stay and died is awkward, beloved is not needed and just is not needed, "My mother died yesterday.

The last strophe is awkward. She seems to be awakened to her mother's death. Either her mother died "yesterday" and she somehow did not know about it or her mother died overnight and relatives have not awakened her. They have only laid out her dress and shoes for the funeral. Confusing at best.

PS I dont rate poems. In fact I should not even be here.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you for sharing me your reasonable opinion, CLM. :)

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

Well written...there is some strange beauty in sadness...

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I often gravitate toward the beauty in sadness. Thank you so much for your review. :)

[KAin]

This was a beautiful and sad piece - I enjoyed the rhyme scheme, and the crisp and simple, yet elegant feel of its composition. Well done indeed!

...but I couldn't help laughing at your author's note. Your profile picture just fits so well with it! It's like you're saying "Oh my God, I can't believe I just killed my mom in this poem!"

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Haha, thank you so much, Landred! :)

[David]

I loved it :P great job! keep up the good work!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Ryan! :)

[David]

you're welcome

[Mittens]

Wow, what are you guys up to that requires being up at three in the morning on a Sunday? If someone tried to wake me up that early on a weekend I would probably just grumble something unintelligible, and then armour up by rolling all the blankets on the bed into an invincible fortress of warm fuzziness and go back to sleep.

Do you remember what I said about that last poem, about how inserting one tragic line can illicit tears from the audience? Well done.

Oh, by the way, go give your mom a hug; it sounds like she's an awesome lady.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

She is. Haha. Thank you for your kind review, Matt. :)

[Mark]

Very compelling story. What we do and would do for our children is without boundary I think. More so for Mothers than Fathers. Good work and I won't tell your Mom LOL.

[MandaBear]

I really enjoyed reading this poem! I hope your mom doesn't find out you killed her off in this poem. Either way it's still a great poem

[smurfett]

How cute! Very vivid and graphic! Your secret's safe with me about mom!! lol

[redzone]

hmmmm thanks for the warning Blue Darling, I will be on my best behavior around my 3 boys... yep, just in case as I see how easy it is to get rid of your parent(s)... just write them off!!! but i suspect that she will still love you even if you have "killed her in your poem".... ~~redzone