An odd but interesting poem. Insomnia is, however, odd and interesting in itself. It can play tricks on the mind, but then the mind can be too active to sleep. The second section of the poem is intriguing and oblique. It is expected that some kind of analogy for the theme of the work will surface somehow, but the scene presented is far from revelatory. I think this is far more appropriate in the case of the subject, and leaves the mystery of life intact. It is quite mysterious and somewhat mystical, and is aided by the sincerity of the writing. It almost seems to hint that the insomnia leads its victim purposely to experience this strange scene: as if to give some kind of confirmation. The event then appears as some kind of insomniac ritual, justifying the existence of such a condition as only too human, and perhaps primal. The technique is of a very good standard.
PS. a Zorki, I understand, is a camera...
An odd but interesting poem. Insomnia is, however, odd and interesting in itself. It can play tricks on the mind, but then the mind can be too active to sleep. The second section of the poem is intriguing and oblique. It is expected that some kind of analogy for the theme of the work will surface somehow, but the scene presented is far from revelatory. I think this is far more appropriate in the case of the subject, and leaves the mystery of life intact. It is quite mysterious and somewhat mystical, and is aided by the sincerity of the writing. It almost seems to hint that the insomnia leads its victim purposely to experience this strange scene: as if to give some kind of confirmation. The event then appears as some kind of insomniac ritual, justifying the existence of such a condition as only too human, and perhaps primal. The technique is of a very good standard.
PS. a Zorki, I understand, is a camera...
The opening lines weren't as good as the rest, I have to say. The "I turn north and I turn south, My body rotates one-eighty, Round and round…" felt like dance sequences; I'm not being sarcastic, just saying how it felt. "Thinking? Of what?!" didn't fit in. Well, enough of the bad half, let's see the better half.
"Damp empty roads push me further" being my favorite line of the whole poem, explains perfectly how an insomniac acts. "A secret communion is proclaiming the world," - Once again, words well put. You used the word 'Blithe' in the right place and sense. The ending verses were also good. But at the end, I somehow felt it is wholly incomplete. See to that. You write well :) Do keep writing.
PS. One of my favorite dialogues is from 'The fight club' - "When you are in insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is a copy.. of a copy.. of a copy.." :) :)
Wow this is so deep and I can sense your frustration. Your thoughts are carried out through out the poem so clearly. The poem is powerful to bring an affect on the reader. I feel like I'm spinning around in circles from this poem which is a sign that I can't make up my decision on what to do and where to go. I find it impressive.
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