Twenty-forth of December

 

 

.....

 

 

 

 

....

 

 

 

 

Twenty-forth of December

 

 

The most painful thing in this world is not when the person whom you love, doesn’t loves you back, it is neither when the person whom you love, loves someone else.

But the most painful thing in this world is when the person whom you love dies helplessly in your arms and right in front of your eyes.

 

 

Two hard years have been passed now but for me, it just seems like yesterday. Every morning after waking up, her memories are the first thought which comes in my mind.  Often I think that her call will come to remind me about some important occasion or date. Sometimes I can even hear her voice calling me, I don’t know why but I can still feel her with me. But no one believes me, some people even say that I’m going out of mind, it just can’t be true, and she is no more here with me. But they don’t know one thing that she is still alive here, inside of me.

 

 

 

Two hard years have been passed now but for me, it just seems like as if time had stood still. I was there in the hospital sitting just near her, touching her hand. Suddenly, she opened her eyes abruptly and held one of her hands tightly to me, and one to her sister. Her sister asked if she was alright or not and she nodded her head innocently, but still she went to call the doctor. Gradually both of her hands held mine tightly and her nails even began to embed in my skin. I asked her “Are you alright?” but she left numb and after a silence of few seconds she said “I’m sorry…” , and then tears started to fall out her eyes. We were continuously looking to each other with endless tears which were flowing out of our eyes and our hearts. There was just something in her eyes at that time which I can’t explain in words, they wanted to say something which words can’t describe. It was the first time in my life when I found myself so helpless.

Finally, the doctor came and checked her, after a minute he said “I’m sorry for your loss…But she is no more…”

 

 

 

 

 

Two hard years have been passed now but, I’m still waiting for a new year to come. I was a party animal and used to party all night long specially on the occasion of New Year. But now, I’m no more that person and I know I can’t be back again. Every holiday I watch people celebrating Christmas and New Year, decorating their homes and buying gifts for each other. Yes, I also do the same but genuinely I no more feel that spirit here inside of me. I exchange gifts and greet everyone just to let them know that I’m perfectly alright without her but they just don’t know one thing that I’m so much broken and hollow from inside. Since some people who have so much of pain and sorrow inside of their hearts, that no Christmas or New Year can bring joy back to them.

 

 

 

Two hard years have been passed now and… I have started to smile once again. The time when she left me, an entire world of sadness crashed over me and that sadness completely changed me. It sucked the real person from right inside of me and made me who I’m today. I first began to hate this sadness but then I realized that I can’t beat it and then I started to live with it. And you know! When you are always surrounded by sadness from everywhere, a time comes when you will began to love that sadness and that is the best way to come out of it. I don’t cry from outside anymore, but inside of me there is such a huge ocean of sadness which can sink even the biggest ship of happiness.

 

Two hard years have been passed now,

And I’m still not making any sense.

The only reason for which I’m still alive is that -

It’s your blood which is flowing inside of my veins.

 

Author's Note

This is one of those pieces, which are so personal that I as such can't put them here...But I just don't know why I have published it here! Lolz.....

May be because now, after 2 years....I'm getting out of it...or may be not, I just don't know!

Reviews

[LlamaLord]

Wow... this is so powerful. Such emotion was grasped in this, it's hard to loosen the grip. The lines I've read before in your other work, but in this, they are all summed into a huge compilation.

"I exchange gifts and greet everyone just to let them know that I'm perfectly alright without her but they just don't know one thing that I'm so much broken and hollow from inside."

That is the sentence that had me at tears. We all know what it's like to simply, feel left out. But what you were feeling, was true sadness. No one knows how many emotions are dwelling, because sometimes we hide them. Losing someone close seemingly, makes your world stop, and makes you realize just how vulnerable you have been all along. Thanks for this. I'm sure this will bring realization to many, and not just me.

Peace to you and merry Christmas!
-Austin

[Robin]

Wow. That was very..deep. I liked it. =3 And, I read your bio, and (forgive me if I'm wrong), I am sorry for your loss. D: Thanks for reviewing mine; I'll be putting more up soon. And I'll get around to reading some more of yours; they're perfect when you're having "one-of-those-days.." ^^

The emotions are so intense, it feels almost as if you're right there feeling them yourself. You're en exquisite writer, and I will surely continue to read your work.

Great job! =)

Take care,
Robin

[Jay]

Bahvya, this was well written. Loved the way it flowed. Your pain is obvious. Will the pain every go away? I don't think so. The pain only becomes bearable. It appears you had a strong bond, when she chosed to leave with you holding her hand ,my dad died in my arms as well, and I was soooo happy that he was free of his cancer that at the moment he died I didn't even cry, it's as if I, somehow, was prepared for him to die in front of me. Not that one is ever prepared. It's been ten years and I still think of my dad, I still wish he was around, I see something and say Hey he would have loved this or that. I don't think wishing for someone to be around will ever go away. Again time will be it's healer, but time will never let you forget and that's how we keep those we love alive.

As far as people believing you that you still hear her voice, I don't think that matters either. You're keeping her alive, whether you think you see her turning a corner or you feel her perfume by the side of your bed. It comforts you. You should never ever forget your life with her, but it's important to move on, move on because of her, because she left you the hope, the love, and the dreams to continue. Can you imagine your life not ever knowing her? Would it have been better not knowing her? I think, you know, that people we meet along the way in our life who are speacial to us, help shape who we are today. So fill up your hollow soul with all those wonderful memories you have have and take them with you, but please remember we are all here on borroed time so enjoy live your life, not the same as you were with her, but different and stronger because of her. One day you'll meet again.

[lovelyangel09]

I felt every word that you wrote in this story. Every line in this story drew me closer and closer. You are a amazing writer. That really touched my heart!

[Karl]

I had tears in my eyes when I stooped reading it.
How can someone write so well?

[BeautyFromTheEarth93]

Wow this is really good! It's really sad, too. But what did you mean when you said that her blood is flowing through your veins? This is a very sad write, but also a very beautiful one. Great job and keep up the good work. You are very talented and I like how you add pictures into your poetry. Keep writing and keep sending me things to read!

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

My son has been gone a little over one and half yrs ago now and I feel so sad every day that goes by. I wish I could have been there to hold him in my arms when he passed. I'm sorry, I love your writing. Thank you for sharing such a personal write. Debileah

[Imperfection]

I have been reading you since quite a long time...maybe since you joined the site. I have read and felt your emotions - the sense of tragedy, the pain, the loneliness, the regret, the unhappiness - whatever you convey through your fantastic ability of writing. Your words touch the soul...most of us like to read these pieces because we are able to relate to them in some way or the other. That is because you write from the heart. Your pictures help the case, of course. But even without the pictures, one would certainly be moved. I didn't know about this part of your life. This is perhaps the first time that you have mentioned the sad details. I remember another piece of writing which was about a friend you lost to an illness but I was unaware that this person was her.

Coming back to this piece, the first two paragraphs are a great way to start such an intriguing story. And the narration leaves the reader with strong visuals all through.
But my favorite part is where you mention how sometimes we get used to darkness and then light doesn't attract us anymore.
- I first began to hate this sadness but then I realized that I can't beat it and then I started to live with it. And you know! When you are always surrounded by sadness from everywhere, a time comes when you will began to love that sadness

This is exactly how I'm thinking at the moment and I have been thinking in this manner for almost 2 years and I find that the darkness keeps getting darker. And yes, I like that...I have "learned to live with it'

There is just one part that I don't quite get...and that is, the last line of the Author's Note. I do not think you're getting out of it. That is possible for those who think they loved someone but actually never did. Individuals like you can distract yourself to other things and people momentarily but you would never be the same person you once were.

[Innocent]

This is an exceptional piece of writing my friend, the detailing and visualization is very good and so perfect. I loved the way you compared your heartbreak with different things, that is the difference between a good and a very good writer. And you have proved that you belong to which category my friend.
Just keep writing, you have a great future in it.

[Together]

Awww dude, this is so heartbreaking. I loved it and the pics too

[Brianna Brie]

but inside of me there is such a huge ocean of sadness which can sink even the biggest ship of happiness.

This is so heartbreaking; however, it is so wonderfully expressed for so many people that feel the loss of a loved one during the holidays. Loved the line above with its creativity.