The Clock Tells More than Time

The moonlight is an ocean wave

And this, my bed, my nightly grave

Under layers and layers

Of swears and prayers

I curl up and hide

From the vengeful tide

The covers fly off me

It’s cold, you can see

As the goose eggs line my skin

They hatch shivers from within

Tick, tock. So it starts.

My soul splits in two parts

Tick, tock. Pleasure slow.

Pressure builds down below.

Tick tock. Tears roll.

Confusion takes a heavy  toll.

Tickity-tock. Stay still.

I’m the master of my will.

Tick-tock-tick. Bite lip.

Can’t allow a single slip.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Soft lips on a frozen face

Melts all asteroids in outer space

My moon hides behind dark quilts

My flower shivers, sighs, and wilts

I cannot read the clock

But I count each tick tock

And hold myself tight

Until morning breaks night

Author's Note

What do you think is happening in this poem as far as storyline goes? I'm curious if I got the message I wanted across while still being subtle enough to make the poem tasteful.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

"I got chills - all through my body!" This has great imagery, the narrative is entertainingly spooky, and keeps us wondering and pondering throughout about what it all means (sometime it's good to leave it all open to interpretation). My only critique would be that "I'm the master of will" lacks one syllable for the musicality to carry over properly. My suggestion: "I'm the master of MY will". Other than that, simply well done! "The moonlight is an ocean wave" is a keeper! Kind of reminiscent of "The Highwayman" by Alfred Noyes.

[emipoemi]

Pardon me, forgot about the "prayers and prayers" line....."layers and layers" works because of the phrase, but the same can't be said about "prayers and prayers" for it's too strong a word to be repeated in that way. Try finding another word that would complement "prayers" and have the line as "Of [blank] and prayers". That's all. Again, well done!

[Rachel Richardson]

Thank you for your help! I always appreciate your critques.

[mercy party]

you can't hide from it. you didn't choose it. it is you.
and this, this is just a review.

[Rachel Richardson]

Thank you!

[mercy party]

there was a lot of different ways to see this. At first i felt you were waiting for someone while they were out and you were nervous about it. very cool.

[Rachel Richardson]

I like your take

[Olivia Clune]

This poem gave me shivers!! It flows so nicely and the message was clear :)

[Rachel Richardson]

Thank you so much! I'm always pleased to hear that my poem gives the reaction I intended.

[Bare trees]

It appears you're afraid of the dark. Petrified, afraid to open your eyes until morning arrives. The room so quiet the slow, slow, ticking of the clock mocks you.