Dosent Make It Musik

Instrumentals on, doesn't make it music, 

I'm not a f*****g rapper, I'm just writing new s**t 

Find the words amusing, curses don't get muted 

F*****g rip this s**t, b***h what the f**k do you think

I tell it how it is, yet a story tellers music

Metaphors and blueprints, 

Mechs destroyed, your loosing

Metallic pulse in shoe prints

Magnetic tech in two rings, a few kinks

 This is poetry, what the f**k did you bring  

Loose my place but not my thoughts, repeating myself in ink

Really I'm on the brink, close to the edge, kitchen sink 

What would Poe say, what would Pac think, 

Would they idolize you if they critiqued your s**t

Marry had a little lamb and then you slaughtered it 

Reviews

[wordman]

sounds like a good rap to me,but what the hell do i know,i am the wordman and not poe
i could hear the song,and the music,but when you slaughtered that lamb you made me lose it !

[Colene Pefley]

Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest here. Is this a rough draft? If it is, it definitely has potential. I will break it down and tell you what I like and what I think needs work.

"Instrumentals on, doesn't make it music,
I'm not a f*****g rapper, I'm just writing new s**t"

The beginning is perfect. It makes me think that these aren't just lyrics, but poetry.

"Find the words amusing, curses don't get muted
F*****g rip this s**t, b***h what the f**k do you think"

The first line I like, the second line is confusing and a bit too long. I think you could shorten it a bit and it would flow better.

"This is poetry, what the f**k did you bring
Loose my place but not my thoughts, repeating myself in ink"

I like this a lot, only "loose" should be "lose", but otherwise this is really good.

"Really I'm on the brink, close to the edge, kitchen sink
What would Poe say, what would Pac think,"

This is a little awkward. I don't think you need to use the word "really" in the beginning of that verse, and "kitchen sink" doesn't feel like it fits. It just seems like you needed something to rhyme with "think". This is just a random idea, but you could say something like, "I'm on the brink, afraid I'll sink" and it would flow better with the last line, which I LOVE! "What would Poe say, what would Pac think," is my favorite line in this poem.

"Would they idolize you if they critiqued your s**t
Marry had a little lamb and then you slaughtered it"

This is a really strong finish. I really liked it. However, it's "Mary" not "Marry", but that's just a simple fix.

Overall, it is really good. Thank you for inviting me to review it!

"Metaphors and blueprints,
Mechs destroyed, your loosing"

Again, I really like this! It's perfect, except I think you meant to write "losing" not "loosing"?

"Metallic pulse in shoe prints
Magnetic tech in two rings, a few kinks"

I like it, but again, the last line is a little long and interrupts the flow. If you dropped the "a few kinks" it would flow perfectly.

[BLitZeD]

damn gada say i never had someone break it down like that, so i thank you for your time . i know my spelling and grammar are a*s lol, i just write, and it comes out however spellcheck feels is best haha.. when i wrote this i did have a beat on the lines coincide with that, idk how to explain it but if you broke the lines up into syllables it would be 6667 for the first four. its more of a semi quick tone but without the beat i dont expect you to see where i was going. and no its not a rough draft, its done sometimes i just feel like writing, i wrote this in the 6 minutes the beat was playing.... again thank you for your time and thoughts

[BLitZeD]

p.s no kitchen sink was chosen, i dont just put words to rhyme, i like to tell a story, in my thoughts im on the brink, throwing everything in the house, including the kitchen sink type a deal

[Colene Pefley]

That makes more sense. You should add that as a note, so people reading it know how it is supposed to flow. Great job. :)

[annalysiar]

Amazing. Intense work. I love the adaptive style that is yours

[BLitZeD]

highly apreciated

[annalysiar]

You're welcome. Thanks for letting me read

[Calamityofgin]

Oh F**k! BLitzTed...love this...Poe and Pac would love it...well Poe would antyway. Dig your style!

[BLitZeD]

lmao thank you much miss calamity