PAIN FLOW

A Poem by EMMIE

I ONLY THOUGHT IT WAS A PORTION
OF THE LOVE I WAS FEELING AND EMOTIONS
FLOWING THROUGH MY BODY LIKE A RIVER
WASHING HAPPINESS AWAY
BUT THE PAIN WAS STILL THERE IN BIG PORTIONS
I TRIED TO FEED THEM TO LAUGHTER
BUT LAUGHTER SAID:
NO!
I DON'T EAT PORTIONS OF PAIN!
IF I DID THEN I WOULD BE FAKE
'CAUSE YOU KNOW...
WHEN YOU'RE HURTING ON THE INSIDE
BUT I AM ON YOUR FACE
I'M FAKE
WITH ME YOU'RE COVERING AWAY
SOMETHING UGLY, HEAVY PAIN
SO LAUGHTER SAID THAT
THEN IT LEFT ME
CAN'T EVEN FAKE IT
'CAUSE IT PAINS ME
AND MY HEART IS BREAKING
I ONLY THOUGH IT WAS A PORTION OF THE LOVE I WAS FEELING AND EMOTIONS
FLOWING THROUGH MY BODY LIKE A RIVER
ABORTION

© 2011 EMMIE

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Reviews

BLACK PRINCE

My character is like a rainbow.
If I smile it is for real.
If I laugh it is for real
If I 'm annoyed it is for real
When I'm happy you'll tuly see it.
When I love you'll know.

It is natural to display your emotions.
But self-control makes the difference,
when it comes to anger.

It's all about keepin' it real

WELL DONE Keep it real always

Posted 11 Years Ago

This is a poem I definitely can feel. You use the tranquility of river's flow to push through a dam of emotions. Human beings all feel pain through romantic relationships, atleast if they have a pulse. It's all a give and lose, risk and choose type of thing where many end up "taking the money and run" finding something else to spend it on while leaving those of us left behind to feel a deep remorse of selling them the jewel we call love ^_^ heheheh, or so says my cheesy poetic ramblings...
You also confront the issues of trying to hide after the fact of being left broken, that is an audition worth a bow to that deserves an applause. The theatrics of this poem and your poetic inquiry mesmerize the audience. Should wear but the face of another to become a shadow to appease others? Can I laugh it off, but knowing only makes it hurt. I try to end the sorrow which floods the river bed of my mind, yet it's too strong of a current to simply dam off and leave behind.
The essence of this poem is one of deepness, or what previous reviewers announced as sadness. It's definitely ringing an echo of sorrow, without a doubt, but it's the feeling and emotion which breathes life into the poem, that's what I'm talking about. All of which your poetry pin points in the topic of sorrow brings it home to the audience. And that's what poetry is about.
Granted that while I do adore your style, your poetic tone, and your rhythm, I must be constructive. :p can't kiss butt ya know? lol... suggestion 1 would be to review over lines 2, 3, 12, and 18. I don't like pointing it out and correcting it myself because people usually refer to that as a sign of arrogance, but like said before, it's only meant to be constructive, so if you care to hear my suggestions, just send a message to the inbox. It's only small things which are rhythm based, so no worries too.
I really enjoyed your work here, it is a sign of true poetic ability. I would also like to highlight your use of color is an plus feature in how it's used. Intergrading color is a hard thing to do in poetic works and is usually never needing and tends to distract the reader, however I say excellent job in usage, job well-done ;)
I hope to see more from you, you have awesome work I must say, for truth demands it of me. ^_^ 90/100 I'd say

Posted 12 Years Ago

This is a poem I definitely can feel. You use the tranquility of river's flow to push through a dam of emotions. Human beings all feel pain through romantic relationships, atleast if they have a pulse. It's all a give and lose, risk and choose type of thing where many end up "taking the money and run" finding something else to spend it on while leaving those of us left behind to feel a deep remorse of selling them the jewel we call love ^_^ heheheh, or so says my cheesy poetic ramblings... 
You also confront the issues of trying to hide after the fact of being left broken, that is an audition worth a bow to that deserves an applause. The theatrics of this poem and your poetic inquiry mesmerize the audience. Should wear but the face of another to become a shadow to appease others? Can I laugh it off, but knowing only makes it hurt. I try to end the sorrow which floods the river bed of my mind, yet it's too strong of a current to simply dam off and leave behind. 
The essence of this poem is one of deepness, or what previous reviewers announced as sadness. It's definitely ringing an echo of sorrow, without a doubt, but it's the feeling and emotion which breathes life into the poem, that's what I'm talking about. All of which your poetry pin points in the topic of sorrow brings it home to the audience. And that's what poetry is about. 
Granted that while I do adore your style, your poetic tone, and your rhythm, I must be constructive. :p can't kiss butt ya know? lol... suggestion 1 would be to review over lines 2, 3, 12, and 18. I don't like pointing it out and correcting it myself because people usually refer to that as a sign of arrogance, but like said before, it's only meant to be constructive, so if you care to hear my suggestions, just send a message to the inbox. It's only small things which are rhythm based, so no worries too.
I really enjoyed your work here, it is a sign of true poetic ability. I would also like to highlight your use of color is an plus feature in how it's used. Intergrading color is a hard thing to do in poetic works and is usually never needing and tends to distract the reader, however I say excellent job in usage, job well-done ;)
I hope to see more from you, you have awesome work I must say, for truth demands it of me. ^_^ 90/100 I'd say

Rating /100

joshua deathdealer

This is so sad..xx

Posted 12 Years Ago

Rene Velez

a sad write indeed...

Posted 12 Years Ago

unknown

So true a smile doesnt mean you're happy and a frown doesn't necessarily mean you're sad or mad. We use these as cover ups and defense mechanisms.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Ender

there is a book by Amy tan. (love her) but in the "joy luck club" there was one of the mothers that learned to never swallow her sorrow. this reminds me of that.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Dahlia Phoenix

Honestly, the sadness within this very poem makes me feel like this is true. All of it. Laughter can never hide the pain we try to cope with or its fake. Fake is not a good representation. I love how you gave "laughter" a character, speaking reason to you. I love this. Good job.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Coyote Poetry

A powerful poem of sadness. Honest and strong words gave the poem balance and story. When the pain take over. Hard to find reason to feel good or smile. A strong ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago

sivan

hey i like this poem. it has a good flow and interesting role of laughter as a character rather than emotion. nice work. like this line

I ONLY THOUGH IT WAS A PORTION OF THE LOVE I WAS FEELING AND EMOTIONS
FLOWING THROUGH MY BODY LIKE A RIVER