War Of The Night (part 1)

Night falls and she's back against the wall

Her fingers grip the edge of her bed

Eyes shut tight she tries to control

The thoughts swirling round her head

 

They’re a dark and raging maelstrom

A mind-numbing legion of bees

They drown out everything around her

Hiding the light with ease

 

Its darkest just before the dawn

But the sun declines to rise

These thoughts, these feelings hold her fast

They’re plotting her demise

 

‘Nothing you can do!’ the darkness screams

As it stretches out its claws

Pulling her tight in its cold embrace

The light in her withdraws

 

Her heart pounds harder against her chest

She works for every breath

The darkness brings her to her knees

Her hand flies to her chest

 

‘Leave me alone!’ she wants to scream

But the words refuse to come

The thoughts of the night have stolen her breath

They leave her cold and numb

 

She fights to maintain control of her mind

To keep the light from dying

‘There’s always hope,’ she reminds herself

But in her heart she knows she’s lying

Author's Note

This poem is finished and yet unfinished. Its finished because that's all I could write. Unfinished, because I couldn't decide whether she and the light win or if the darkness wins. Its hard to put the end result into a poem like this because then its set in stone when in reality it changes every night. Again, I didn't quite mean for it to rhyme.. it just decided it wanted to and I couldn't get it to become free verse.
---
Okay, I added a second part to this. You can find it underneath my writings.

Reviews

[Ashley Black]

very nice write good flow and word choice very good! :)

[Elvina CZq]

After reading this, it reminded me of my own nightmare long time ago. You've written so well that it feels so surreal. Really nice write, keep it up!

[Ethan Paz]

Can't wait to see more of this. Good job Cattie.

[Devons]

This is a terrific piece of work! Out of the poems I have read of yours, it is by far and away the best. It has such power and darkness within its imagery and mood. It is also extremely well-crafted, skilfully-paced and smart. And I am very struck by these lines:
"They’re a dark and raging maelstrom
A mind-numbing legion of bees"

Top class. The subject matter is a strong one and contributes to the poem's power. The shadowy, gloomy anxiety and desperation of lonely inner thoughts and feelings. It all comes through here.

Extremely good.

[Crowley]

Queen of darkness on this one...nice feel, anxiety, fear, frustration, a longing for the light and the normalcy it sheds on our thoughts. We wait for morning no? We want the sanity that the light brings. Nice stuff here.

[Angelwithabeard]

you put me in a spot wear i want to feel more, read more and yet i am the one to make my own choice. thats very rare. it grabs the heart and lets truth and reality in. thank you. i would love to hear more. this wonderful piece here is complete. next^^

[Wyrd_of_Night]

I think it's fine unfinished like that. It lets the reader think about the end, instead of just giving it to them. Try and add a little more description if you feel it can go some place. Good job, Your choice to use my advice, after all it's your heart your using when you write a poem.

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

well i love it i always do free Verse its rare if any my poems Rhyme but ilove the rhyme in this poem Nice Work nice piece

[ms. barrie]

i really, really enjoyed this! it pulls the reader in where the reader doesn't want to let go. it's very well written.

[KBR]

Great movement! It has a strong feeling and a consistent tone. I like it! But let me see a little of the room she's in maybe. Give me some context. Is she crouching in the corner by her bed or in a subway station? I still really liked it!