Detached

Detached

A Poem by A.Lee

Sitting somewhere in the middle
River flowing quickly by
A thousand lives and dreams and memories
Caught in the current, swept away
But I am here
A separate being
Disconnected from the stream
The waves of life tossed me ashore
And I cannot feel anything

© 2010 A.Lee


Author's Note

A.Lee
I intended to make this longer, but it decided it wanted to end here. Maybe I'll do something more with it later.

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Reviews

Incredible write! I personally liked the length of this piece. I thought that the simplicity and shortness of it worked as an advantage, and seemed to reflect the whole idea of detachment in your poem. Your poem had a beautiful rhythmic flow to it, and it evoked a real sense of tranquility and wisdom. I loved the last few lines. :)
~PaperHearts

Posted 10 Years Ago


I agree with Jenny Nelson. Nice work. You can extend it, but it is a nice poem just as is.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Nice visual impression. Soft and sad. Sometimes less says more. Well done.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Beautiful….
Just beautiful…..
I read it many times…
That much beautiful……


Posted 10 Years Ago


It's great how it is! I loved it!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I think this is really good. I really liked it. I can relate with it and it was a pleasure to listen to. Thanks for sharing. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


This poems ends so beautifully and tells its story so perfectly that to do any more with it would be to depreciate its value somewhat. If not, there would be a lot to live up to with any additional writing. This is an excellent metaphorical poem, and the imagery is as clear as the sound of the rushing river itself.
"But I am here
A separate being
Disconnected from the stream
The waves of life tossed me ashore
And I cannot feel anything"
...Those are excellent lines, powerfully invoking a poignant emotion. Great piece of work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Wow, no need for any more length, it is very good as it is. I really liked it. Beautiful lyricism with a sucker punch at the end.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Honestly, I think that this piece was excellent, and the length it is at now fits it. I am always tempted to lengthen my works, and instead, I usually write another piece somewhat similar and make that one longer. :)

This was great- I loved the imagery of you standing there, idly watching the stream of life pass you buy.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Good write. Leave it alone. Perfect write on feeling alone in ones memories wondering what happened, where do i fit in?

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on June 23, 2010
Last Updated on June 23, 2010

Author

A.Lee
A.Lee

Monroe, GA



About
I am lots of things, but here you'd identify most with the writer and avid reader. I have three beautiful children. The oldest boy, Seth, passed last year after fighting a long battle with cancer. .. more..

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