Climax to the Story

Feeling a lot of depression lately...

Climax to the Story

Written by: C. Lee Battaglia

Now is the climax to the story
That gives the angels and demons purpose

They fly around when we’re walking
And change our thoughts just to please them

I am freezing, can you hear?

I'll fly with no hope, and no fear
And the ground taunts my wings

Plummet as I sing, plummet as I sing

We are just human, we are just human

We find worth in giving birth to it all

We are lining our lives with winding roads

And even we go on, life is tough

We do things, remind us of pointless things

And now we are more suicidal than ever now

If you just live by what is wrong and what is right

You’ll begin to wish that you were sleeping

The weeping will speak in your head and you’ll start to cry

If we take apart our heart, the light will set us free

How frustrating and so degrading
His time, we're wasting
As time will fly by and the sky will cry as light is fading
And he is waiting, oh, so patiently
While we repeat the same routine as we will please comfortability
Yeah, please don't think about why you can't sleep in the evening
And please don't be afraid of what your soul is really thinking

Your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides
And it's time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is mine

(I promise you)

Author's Note

Please leave me constructive feed back!

Reviews

[emipoemi]

........My feelings after reading this are so mixed, I have no idea where to start! But here goes nothing:

For starters, I enjoyed this. Let's get that out of the way: this is profound, and really drags the reader into the world of the poem, and very nicely, too. The switcheroos from free verse to rhyme in alternating stanzas is a nice touch. I much enjoyed that part, and the way you made internal rhymes in the third stanza is remarkable. Freaking wow!

Now for the things I think may need improvement:

-Stanza 2 could use some musicality tweaking in a couple of places, and Line 4 doesn't make much sense with respect to the entire stanza (what's "falling"? the ground or the "us"?). Also I would switch the position of "demons and angels" - it sounds better, and it also is common to put the light before the dark.
-Stanza - "and stuff" is weak writing in general (no! no! no!) Both prose and poetry should be without it. "Give birth" and what? we should be concrete with what we're talking about (that's the magic of writing). And if you can't figure out an "and", try for a "to" (what do they give birth to?). Line 4 doesn't make grammatical sense; Line 5 has not concrete sensical sense; and Line 6 has an unnecessary repetition of "now".
-Stanza 4 - no comma in Line 1; Line 2 can lose the "start to" for musicality purposes; and you can completely erase Line 4 (doesn't have any power, really, and in someway repeats but at the same time contradicts Line 1).

Those are my comments. This is on the whole a fabulous poem, it just needs a bit of work before it may be considered a gem! Nicely done! Overall much enjoyed!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

I really do appreciate the feed back! It does help a lot and yeah it does make sense! Thank you! what would you use rather then stuff?

[emipoemi]

You're the poet. Let the spirit guide you. You'll find it eventually ;)
And hey! It's Int. Poetry Day, so maybe the spirit will be there for you, eh? Have faith. Breathe, and feel. She'll guide you if you trust her ;)

[C. Lee Battaglia]

I re edited and added some more to it... Is it any better?

[Oldsoul.J]

I love this. Speaks so much of the decisions that we have to make as humans. Beautiful piece.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you once more for the incredible review! It means a lot to me!

[Anise]

Steeped with deep meaning. There is no denying we have tasted both sides.
Sometimes walking the line. Choosing rightly at the right time is what really separates us.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you so much! It is most appreciated! Yes I agree with you!

[Anise]

you are so very welcome :)

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

So true the line between good and evil is so very thin and frail- the mind can temp and mislead but the heart needs to be followed and always listen to intuition- the world is a mysterious place with good and evil all around- good to be able to be aware of this but we need to be strong and fight the good fight🌹

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you! It is very appreciated! I agree 100% with you!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right my friend.
"Your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides
And it's time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is mine"
The above lines are true. We decide our path. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you so much! Your comment is very appreciated! Thank you my friend!

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this one my friend. And you are welcome.

[Zoya]

Hmm...there's certainly a lot going on here. The first two stanzas were quite good, but i didn't get the third one. Although there are some deep thoughts scattered here and there, i didn't really understand what they were pointing towards. Then the fourth one...that indeed is quite profound. Reminds me of the saying- 'Rules are meant to be broken'. The fifth stanza seems to be describing a monotous life where you're doing nothing but wasting time. That was well written. And i also liked the ending.
Overall, i did enjoy reading this. Food for thought this one!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you Zoe!
I appreciate it!

[Zoya]

No problem