This is pretty sad Chelsea. I do have a suggestion for an improvement. The line that reads, "Her heart takes a final breath" could possibly read, "Her lungs take a final breath." It just make more sense. A heart can't take a final breath. It's my only suggestion on how to improve upon your writing. I do have an exercise for you to try to help your writing. I would like to see a poem with rhymes that talk about your own religious beliefs, and how they shape your life today. That would make for an interesting poem.
this was a poetic story filled with imagery from the very first line - i didn't know blank could be so filled with a depth of white....you touched upon every emotion and even hinted with subtle whispers and mystery, you're evolving into a more sophisticated writer -
She’ll always live within you,
A finger points to the little boy’s broken heart
Awesome. Just awesome emotion displayed in this poem. Your power packed description makes it surreal and solid. I like poignance i can feel is real and tangible. Amazing write
Its so touching! I feel like... crying for the boy. Unlike sunflower 20, I love how you not tell us the whole stories, let readers think.. let us wonder... Its heart breaking where the boy tries to wake her mom up.. how sad and painful is it that a little boy don't have the strength to bring his mom back? Its painful t know that your mom is dead.. Strong emotions under this poem, love how you make us feel in this poem so much!
Overall, I think its really amazing and wonderful! Sad, touching and... its just.. wow
this is really sad and touching. But i think in the description you didn't have to say what actually happens, you didn't really have to say anything at all.
it like being told the ending of your favourite book, it puts you off.
so my only suggestion would be to change the description.
overall, nice job :)
This is pretty sad Chelsea. I do have a suggestion for an improvement. The line that reads, "Her heart takes a final breath" could possibly read, "Her lungs take a final breath." It just make more sense. A heart can't take a final breath. It's my only suggestion on how to improve upon your writing. I do have an exercise for you to try to help your writing. I would like to see a poem with rhymes that talk about your own religious beliefs, and how they shape your life today. That would make for an interesting poem.
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.
- Carl Sandburg
Hello! Thank you for checkin’ out my page on the café!
My name is Chelsea or Chels. I’m fifteen years old, your .. more..