Gypsy Soul

I was slightly scarred, I was marked, I was young at heart

I gave you so little, and took so much, and I broke you

Together wasn't quite enough, and forever's a matter of luck

It always came to an end just to start again 

different people, different place, same song

I wanted you to see I was free, wanted you to see you couldn't hold me

But all I did was show a gypsy soul gets you lost

I could've had you and love, and I gave it up to show I was tough

But all I did was show I was weak, all I did was show how scared

I'd become from running

The simple words that we spoke

Had been stitched in the palm of your hand,

And whispered fables and myths 

From every place that I'd been,

Tattooed on the back of my neck

I saw your color blue in every sky

And I saw my green in every valley

And when I saw them both together

I knew I had been selfish, I knew I had been cruel

So I came back to you, I came back to you

I had built myself as wild, free, and running

Living on memories and stories half-remembered

You changed me for just a moment, stopped time, my heart had been stolen

I had always been the gypsy thief, but this time you took from me

And I knew why I came back to you

Cause your voice was familiar and true

And my green was brilliant with your blue

And you had tamed the wanderer in me

Tamed my soul, but I was still a gypsy,

Just happier there in your light

 

Reviews

Really enjoyed reading this. The title reminds me of an ole Van Morrison song... think it was called "Into the Mystic" if I remember right.

Anyways, I really love the pace, rhythm, and the rhyming done within the poem. It's quite swell if I must say so with a british accent swirling his cup of tea in a fine elegant stance with admiration in his facial expressions. It's a very well-established monologue about someone, certainly female, who comes to terms with the things happening within a relationship that seem to occur between them and their partner. Atleast, that's what I can concur with myself about the underlining story about/within the poem. And certainly I must admit that your metaphors do a remarkable job establishing emotions and actions which are brought out in the poem.
One thing though, in aspect of constructive criticism, about poetry is that it's composed mainly of sentence fragments (resembles sentence structure, but doesn't make a complete sentence)... once you start using complete sentences, you're getting into one of the hardest types of poetry which is known as prose-poetry. The thing I'm mainly hinting towards is the use of a period in poetry... really in poetry, the true period is a line-break (when one line ends and new one begins). Basically it's the resemblance of a period in the matter of pausing before starting a new line rather than in complete sentence structure where it represents the ending of a phrase/sentence. So remember that there's no real need for periods in poetry, line-breaks represent that aspect.
Also, there's bit of grammatical errors, such as in line 2 and stanza 3, line 9.
Though Overall, I find this to be fabulous writing... definitely talent is what I'm seeing here. I think a 94/100 is a perfect score for this. Keep up the good work, and hope to hear more from you.

[Molly Garnet]

You have such a gift, I am completely blown away.

[symmetryAsymmetry]

awesome piece of poetry...so many us run away from love and commitment coz we feel it ruins what we have not realising it replaces what we have with something much more profound and beautiful...just like this poem... :-)

[Brandon]

This is beautiful. I identified with it so easily that I knew, at the end of the second stanza, that it was being scrawled into my mind and heart in permanent marker. The curse of a gypsy soul is perhaps over-simplified here, but not in a way that sacrifices complexity. Just in a way that summarizes it. Like a portable eternity of stories and camp fire music. Skillfully conveyed poetry and amazing imagery. Every bohemian tassel and bead is gracefully accounted for.

[jennifer little]

nicley said poem great work keep it up loved reading this poem

[Little Birdie]

You should be very proud of this work, it's profound, dynamic, loving and a proof a feisty soul can never be fully tamed, it can just pretend for someone who she cares about. Lovely :)

[EMMIE]

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS IT'S SO CREATIVE AND FULL OF TALENT!

[MAC]

hey Derek, you do remember correctly and this would be an excellent poem to turn into one of his songs. it flows so well and Meghan I have no idea if this is your best until I read them all but WOW this is amazingly good.

[V]

I really loved reading this. all the words you used, forming unique lines and stanzas. This poem has a restless temper, and it feels/ sounds almost like a song to me. I could even imagine a rough draft of a melody while reading. The sound of an acoustic guitar would be perfect for this one :) nice piece of writing :)

[ShaneBerry]

this made me tear up,i recently (well 4 months back) got dumped by the woman i believe to be the woman i am meant to be with. i am waiting for her and this poem showed me how important it is to wait if you believe the love is true.
thank you for this outstanding piece.

[JC]

i was thinking while reading this that i too knew that hardship and the blues of gyspy shoes, but that you never would have written such a great and insightful poem had you not lived the way you did, dig it.