Chapter 6: The New apprentice

Charlie ventured silently down the hall and pressed her flushed cheek against the wall. She tried to recognize the other voice, but, finding herself unsuccessful, she decided to trust Jaenes and take a chance. She stepped into the doorway of the living area and leaned against the frame, standing silently until they noticed her. When Jaenes looks up, he looks slightly embarrassed to see her there.
He was an older gentleman, well composed in his business suit. His graying hair was a soft shade of ash, and accented his features nicely. For a man of his age, it was surprising to see him in such good shape and so well built. His skin was a light pale, and his eyes were small. His nose looked like it had been broken a few times, and his smile could make anyone feel special or happy on a bad day.
The other man in the room was about Charlie’s age, very tan, and very kind-looking. He looked slightly familiar, and Charlie struggled to remember where she had seen him before. His face was average-looking, one that could easily be forgotten. His stature was tall, and he seemed to be in good shape. His eyes were an aqua blue that seemed to smile even when his face did not. She felt her mind wander as she stared at him but couldn’t help it.
Suddenly Jaenes spoke and shattered the silence, bringing her back to the real world. She shook herself and turned to listen to Jaenes. He was saying that the man sitting across from him was a new trainee. His name was to be known as D. Wolf (Charlie’s Alias was Petra Zena; the only person alive that knew her real name was Jaenes, because knowing one’s real name could put them in danger) . He had recently joined the alliance and needed a mentor. Jaenes knew that Charlie hated company, but he insisted that it would turn out ok in the end. Charlie sighed and nodded. She knew better than to argue with Jaenes.
Jaenes told Charlie that Wolf had followed her last night to make sure that she was ok. Jaenes had known that Charlie was going after RFK, and he had known that RFK was still a formidable killer.
Charlie sighed. Suddenly she realized how she had gotten home. She was glad she had found out, but not happy that she had needed help. She took that as a sign of weakness in herself, and decided that she needed to train more.
Suddenly she realized where she had seen the man before. It was the same man she had run into the night before outside the bar. While she was following RFK, she had thought she had heard someone behind her, but they were making so much noise that she hadn’t thought they were actually trying to follow her.
She cocked her head to the side and took in the man’s appearance. He looked tired. His clothes were rumpled and his hair was slightly disheveled. It looked like he had been up all night talking to Jaenes. The man stood up and extended a hand to Charlie. She looked down at his hand and then back up at his face. She slowly reached out and shook his hand, and then withdrew hers quickly as if she had been burned.
Was she truly going to have to house and teach this man? She sighed and nodded to Jaenes. The only response she got was Jaenes standing, hugging her quickly, and then leaving without another word. She turned and looked the man in the eye. “well… you can sleep here… the training arena is out back. Maurly will sleep wherever he feels comfortable sleeping, whether on your bed or mine.. get dressed. We’re going out to the training arena. Be ready in five. “
She left and went to get ready, hoping he wouldn’t be stupid and hard to train.

Reviews

[freelancejouster]

notes as i read: i don't think 'decided to trust Jaenes' is needed again, as it was said, pretty much the same way in the last chapter. I WAS RIGHT, that guy was important xD maybe the stumbling was a kind of reverse psychology? he only acted loud because it would make him seem harmless?

the ending makes me laugh, it's almost as she's assumed he's stupid because she finds him attractive...

[Meat of Dog]

I like that you didn't feel the need to make Jaenes some kind of crazy bad a*s. The fact that he is tough, but sensitive and kind helps the reader identify with him as a father figure for Charlie. This is a good chapter, and an interesting idea (pairing her up with someone despite her lacking desire for social interaction). I think that her joining up with this guy will raise a lot of questions, as well as implications toward softening her nature. I hope that he can help curb her as well and improve her abilities in such a way that they can become friends in the process.

other suggestions:
-"(Charlie’s Alias was Petra Zena; the only person alive that knew her real name was Jaenes, because knowing one’s real name could put them in danger) ." I would remove the period after Wolf. If it is a new sentence, then parenthesis are not really needed, but if you want to keep them, I think merging the two sentences would be best.

-. Maurly is welcome to sleep wherever he feels comfortable sleeping, whether on your bed or mine.. get dressed. We’re going out to the training arena. Be ready in five. “ This is more of an opinion comment, but it almost sounds like (because of the wording) Muarly is new too, which we know isn't. Maybe she should sound more demanding? such as 'Maurly can sleep..." or "Maurly will sleep..."

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the new character. Best way to improve your skill is to teach. Teaching make your skills go to the next level. I taught Soldiers for many years in the Army. Teaching make you more confident. I like the conversation and the information how she got home. A very good ending to a excellent chapter.
Coyote