The World's Makeup

Talk about a work in progress, just kind whipped it up just now. I prefer to write first, edit another day, with a clear mind. No rhyming scheme, none of that, just kind of random flow? Glad to hear your thoughts...

As I watch the snow pile up on the cold winter ground,

Cover the streets, the dirt, the grime beneath.

In nature there is nothing quite like it.

The chance to start a new

The chance to cover up the old

To hide what was broken,

What wasn’t working.

 

Snow brings everything into a new light.

It helps you see life…in a new way.

Gazing down from your window

You no longer see the imperfections in your yard.

However as you trudge through that same seemingly perfect enclosure

That hole you forgot to cover last month snags your foot.

Reaches up through the snow and yanks you down.

 

It reminds you

Snow is the world’s makeup.

Like makeup on a person

You may cover up the ugliness underneath

But it only serves to lure you closer

To what may ultimately drag you down.

Author's Note

Don't cut me up too badly here yet, lol, haven't had a chance to edit quite yet, will get to it though! Constructive criticism always welcome!

Reviews

[Ethan Leon]

I think this is a good start, (your profile says you've only recently begun writing agian, I think?), but let's get down to it, shall we? Anyway--

The way you describe the snow is done in a very nostalgic manner, so it is as if you were caught alone writing, then had a visual of a moment in time (as often happens to me).
Now, I do have something to say about the word arrangement itself, the part--

"You may cover up the ugliness underneath

But it only serves to lure you closer

To what may ultimately drag you down."

--definatly the best stanza, it's a catchy, flowing piece of work all in one. I think that this same stanza could be added to the begining somewhere, and by replacing/omitting a few words could give it a whole new perspective.
I do hope of course that you don't think I'm too picky. I don't try to come off as such, but-- I think the snow has to big a part in the poem itself, so does the setting. When one reads a work I've found that concentrating on the setting to much removes attention from the strength of the tone.
Now, Hope I haven't been too lengthy here (--I think I have), but let me just add that if you would me the favor of hitting me back on a review sometime it would be greatly appreciated.
Good work, once more.

[Luke]

I clearly don't use this site that often, but I think I plan to more and more now. Anyway, I just figured out how to even find these reviews, lol, so sorry it took four years, but seriously good critique. I appreciate it. Always better to have someone give a constructive, honest, and good critique than just say it's great. Thanks again.

[justjenn_2u]

I like your perspective on snow being make-up, reminds me of foundation we use on our face to cover imperfection. Eventually, it fades and reality is still there.

Overall, your descriptive language here is well written. A first read, and I enjoyed.

[Luke]

As I said in the reply below, I don't use the site that often and only just figured out these reviews even exist, lol. Thanks for the review. I'll definitely swing through your page.

[Luke]

and btw makeup foundation was definitely one of the things I was thinking about there.