The Curse

Who is the cause of the great curse? Read to find out!

The Curse

 

All around, all was cursed

All that was good had now been reversed.

In great fear, I strayed from the light,

Only to begin my search alone at night.

 

There sat the crow.

 

I ventured out into the world’s tenebrosity.

Only to discover it’s full of repugnant generosity.

My irises’ looked around, only to feel blind

Never had I thought the world was so unkind.

 

There sat the crow.

 

I searched for even the smallest of creatures,

I picked up a stone, and was astonished by its features.

I asked, “are you the reason for this repulsive curse?!”

With no reply, I sent it to its grave with no hearse.

 

There sat the crow.

 

 

 My mind turning and luring like a kite,

All my strength churning at a frightful sight.

Among the branches, among the grass

There stood a crow, one I could not pass.

There stood the crow.

 

I yelped, I cried, I yelled towards the beast,

Instead, he stood there, perhaps thinking I was his feast.

I turned to run, but the serenity stopped me,

Its withered hands ripped out all I wanted to be.

 

There stood the crow.

 

I culled, I shrieked, I ruptured all inside,

Only destitute pain, and affliction would it provide.

Frustration and persuasion filled up in my soul,

Death became my one and only true goal.

 

There stood the crow.

 

“The curse! You are the curse!” I yelled,

All sounds, all replies it only withheld.

Darkness unhinged my eyes, and now I could see,

There was the crow, standing in front of me.

 

There stood the crow.

 

Death appeared to be of the greatest kiss,

In it’s lips laid an eternal abyss.

My vision now faded, my soul given up,

No cure, no cup.

 

There stood the crow.

 

Suddenly with great haste a sound ruptured in the quiet wind,

The crow flew behind me, my mind ghastly dimmed.

Ignorance unhinged my eyes, and now I could see

There was an owl, standing in front of me.

 

There stood my soul.

 

The owl flew behind me and out of sight,

My heart was pounding, full of fright.

A light appeared in front of my eyes,

I sprinted away, attempting to hide the lies.

 

There stood my soul.

 

 

 

I ran into the sounds of bereavement,

All around me, there was no positive achievement.

For there was a hint of the owl,

Surrounded by thousands of crows with a great scowl.

 

There stood my soul.

 

I yelled, I screamed, I shrieked, “Kill the owl! Kill him!”

He was the cause of the curse, take his vim.

The corner of my eye saw the tip of the sun,

Light! Away, away I must run.

 

There stood my soul.

 

My legs lifted, hearing thousands of scowls.

I looked behind me, no sight of an owl.

Death must have come to him or so I thought.

As I skittered, I lapsed upon the ground. Light had me caught.

 

There stood my soul.

 

 

 I awoke to the immeasurable grace of the light,

Too bright! Too bright!

I could not see, nor could I move,

This Light, remove! Remove!

 

There moved my soul.

 

My irises adjusted, enabling my vision,

I looked side to side with great precision.

Around me were countless feathers,

All from the crows leathers.

 

There moved my soul.

 

I looked up into the trees, and my life paused.

There stood the owl, the curses great cause.

I yelled to him, I called to him, but with no reply,

He flew down closer to me, oh so sly.

 

There moved my soul.

 

The owl lifted his wing, and a prodigious quiver came upon my limb,

My entire life, all my memories, all I wanted to be lay dim.

It was there in that light, that I learned in my eye,

It was not the great owl that fueled the curse, it was I.

There stood the Owl.

There changed my soul.

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Please review! Really would like to hear your thoughts! Criticism welcome!

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Corwin

Thank you for your recent review. I thought I would read some of your writing and was directed by you to this.

Though rarely effusive in my reviews, rather keeping them measured and balanced, I can truly say to you, I was blown away by this piece of well-honed poetry and its integral Christian message.

As I have not reviewed you before, albeit my style of reviewing can vary according to the piece and my mood, you should know I invariably review long and at times therefore in detail. But what the writer will get from me as one reader is an emotional response so that the writer can judge the impact of his / her words.

I shall give this a detailed review.

1) Structure: Seventeen Quatrains, with a repeating but varying refrain of one line, where the final envoy is to change the refrain to two lines.

2) Rhyme: You consistently rhyme in couplets in each of your 17 stanzas aabb. The changing refrain and the rhyming pattern give this an immediate elegance and an air of sophistication.

3) Rhythm: Although the number of syllables in each line varies, read aloud as I have done, there is a mellow lulling beat lying behind the words.

4) Punctuation: You choose to fully punctuate throughout. I like that consistency. In free verse, many will not punctuate at all, which I accept. But my own quirk is that I dislike poems which are only partially punctuated. So you tick my box here.

5) Use of English: Whilst many of your words are straightforward you add a richness to the poem by using words which are less common and with their own imagery. A few examples: 'tenebrosity' 'luring' 'destitute' 'skittered'

6) Allusion / metaphor: This the core of the poem. You switch by starting your refrain with the 'Crow' like Edgar Allen's Poe's the 'Raven' harbingers of death and despair.

You then move to the 'Owl', which is a symbol of wisdom. And you move to your 'Soul' only to reconcile the whole in your two line envoy:

'There stood the Owl.
There changed my soul'.

7) Meaning: The meaning is rather more opaque than transparent, but because I am aware of your Christian origins, I can see clearly where you are coming from. You start with the darkness of the lost soul outside Christ and end with the light that though Christ may shine upon our way.

8) Favourite lines and impact: Let me just pick four stanzas from your poem, which follow the stages of 'crow' 'owl' 'soul' 'owl and soul'

First stage - the crow:

'All around, all was cursed
All that was good had now been reversed.
In great fear, I strayed from the light,
Only to begin my search alone at night'.

Darkness abounds and we are cursed sinners outside the light of Christ.

Next stage - the owl (albeit you get to soul first):

'Suddenly with great haste a sound ruptured in the quiet wind,
The crow flew behind me, my mind ghastly dimmed.
Ignorance unhinged my eyes, and now I could see
There was an owl, standing in front of me.'

Your tone changes as the crow is replaced by the owl, even though the owl itself is frightening for its own reasons. Fear of change?

Third stage - the soul:

'I awoke to the immeasurable grace of the light,
Too bright! Too bright!
I could not see, nor could I move,
This Light, remove! Remove!'

Like Saul on the road to Damascus, you are blinded to the point if fear by the brilliance of God's glory.

Fourth stage - Owl and soul :

'The owl lifted his wing, and a prodigious quiver came upon my limb,
My entire life, all my memories, all I wanted to be lay dim.
It was there in that light, that I learned in my eye,
It was not the great owl that fueled the curse, it was I.'

A fantastic resolution of the whole piece.

9) Overview: A highly structured well honed piece of verse, which has the power in impacting the reader to move them from what I can see is a very accomplished writer in the becoming, if not there already.

I hope you finding something in this review of help to you.

Your friend


James

[Corwin T.]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review. I am beyond thrilled and excited that you were able to catch the appropriate meaning. You were able to dissect the poem accurately, and you gave me an incredible review. I even learned some things about my writing that I did not notice. Thank you so much for taking time to give me this amazing review. I apologize for not replying quickly. I will be sure to review some of your work in the coming days. Thank you so much.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Corwin

My complete pleasure.

If you were to review anything, although it's a lot to ask, I would be pleased if you reviewed Split, my novel on here which is a book with a moral cause and which is being readied for publication through the help of others and making heavy edits.

No obligation. Just a suggestion.

Your friend

James

[poetdoug]

"There stood the owl---there changed my soul."
Very powerful story poem and most moving. I felt the breath of Edgar Allen Poe as I read it.
I am most proud of your writing as a young man and wish you only the best. I also write for Teen publications and know that you will be a blessing to them also.
God Bless you my talented friend in Christ.

[annabellee]

Wow this is absolutly amazing, I loved it.
It's such a great story packed in excellent rhyming and it kept me wondering what is going to happen until the end.

[Onku Ghosh]

THis poem is a little too long.It is written very well and the rhyming is perfect.Your imagery is excellent.AS I was reading the poem I could picture everything that you have narrated .....the crow standing in front of you, his place taken by the owl, then your soul and so on.Very nice narration. An excellent write!!!

[Corwin T.]

I totally understand it being a little long. That is something that I will look into possibly editing it, and or combining some of the lines and what their purposes were. Thank you so much for your compliments. Imagery is exactly what I strive for with my descriptions and word choice. I love being a painter with words. Thank you so much! I will plan on checking out some of your writing soon! Thank you!

[Renny]

A Beautifully Creative Piece, Thanks For Sharing!

[Corwin T.]

Thank you!!!!!!!!

[Angel]

WOW!!
This is absolutely AWESOME!!
Okay, it's a bit choppy here and there, but oh...the imagery is fabulous!! The story you tell is immortal!!
I love, love, LOVE this piece!!
Give us more, please!!

[Corwin T.]

Thank you so much! Sorry for the late reply!!!! Ive been busy with other things! It is a bit choppy, and that is a very important thing to catch. I will look into possibly editing it to make it shorter and more smooth. Thank yo so much! And on a side note, I just posted a new poem titled "Waves Alone." Be sure to check that out! I will look forward to reviewing some of your work as well!

[Rebecca Buller]

"It was there in that light, that I learned in my eye,
It was not the great owl that fueled the curse, it was I."

Shh, I'm reading this at work so don't tell;) This was fantastic, Corwin. It was poetry, yet it was very similar to a short story. Brilliant work!

[Corwin T.]

Thanks Rebecca! I look forward to reading some more of your short stories soon!!

[Rebecca Buller]

:-) :-) :-)

[Nasarah]

I love it! Some how you were able to capture the raw relatable emotions that fill us. I enjoyed this a lot, especially the repetition. Keep up the good work!

[Corwin T.]

Thank you so much!!

[Nix]

A very powerful poem filled with emotion. Love the repetition of "There stood the crow" and "There moved my soul". Has a very powerful message and the ending brings it all down with sledgehammer force. Although I do think towards the middle it gets a tad redundant. Yet another amazing poem Corwin!

[Corwin T.]

Thanks bro :) Ill review some of your stuff very soon!