Pretend

I don’t want to pretend anymore.

I don’t want to pretend like it doesn’t hurt,

Like I’m not upset when I am excluded,

Like I’m only your friend when it’s convenient for you.

I don’t want to feel like a loser who’s being judged all the time.

I don’t want to be the one that’s always there but no one is there for me.

I don’t want to be the odd one out.

I don’t want to pretend like I have this tough outer shell.

I don’t want to pretend like I hate everything.

I don’t want to hide my feelings behind the walls that I’ve built.

I don’t want to pretend that everything is okay when it’s not.

 

I can’t pretend anymore.

 

I want to be appreciated,

To be loved,

To be chosen.

I want to be someone’s first choice instead of their last.

I want to be included.

I want to be your friend all the time.

I want to feel like I matter to someone for once.

I want to feel important.

I want to be my true self and be accepted for who I am.

I want to break down these walls and let the person I’ve been hiding free.

 

I don’t want to pretend anymore,

But I fear I will have to.

Author's Note

Thoughts? sh