the lobotomy shop

A receptionist at the lobotomy shop entertains an interested customer in the not too distant future.

Welcome to the lobotomy shop!
How can I be of assistance, Sir?

Yes, of course, I will be happy to explain to you our services! Please follow me.

 

This is our boutique. Here you can rest while I show  you a holographic presentation of our premium services. Oh, you've seen them already, Sir? How nice. Do you have any queries regarding anything we do here? I'll be glad to help.

 

Yes, Sir, and don't worry, that's a perfectly logical question. We at the lobotomy shop aim to help people experience their true selves. We aim to liberate you from all unneeded conscious interferences in everyday life. Why should you think about every single thing you do while your brain gives you its assessment automatically? Why should we think about the things we want to do? Why don't we disinhibit ourselves?

 

No Sir. I'm sorry, but I think you might have misjudged the situation. We do not allow your sub conscious to take you as a hostage. We merely allow it to control your activities.

 

Haha, yes Sir, I understand it seems similar to modern day governments. But governments, as always, never do any job well. We assure you we will eliminate all and any thoughts you might have. I believe we have more approximations with the media than the governments in that regard.

 

That is a most important question, Sir. We differ from the media in that we do not sell your mind to other people. We merely sell it to yourself. I know it sounds confusing, but believe me,  your conscious thought- free self understands what I'm saying.

 

We offer many different services depending on your needs, Sir. The regular lobotomy removes just a part of your frontal lobe, ensuring that you lose any unwanted projections of your conscious self on your persona. The deluxe lobotomy removes part of your frontal lobe along with a part of your hypothalamus, ensuring you lose most of your unneeded personality, enjoying a refreshing sense of new found freedom. Our Lobotomy Grand TM, the pinnacle of all such technology available in the market removes all personality defining areas from your brain, ensuring your sub  conscious is in total control. You will feel invincible.

 

Yes, all procedures are risk free. We even take a backup of your brain, should you ever reconsider your decision. Yes, ironical, considering that you'll not be able to think reasonably afterwards. But you will be pleased to know, Sir, that we have never had an unsatisfied customer thus far.

 

Yes, all versions are upgradable if you so want, Sir.

The Deluxe version? Very well, Sir. That will cost you two litres of water. May I inform you that we also offer a special subsidy on the Lobotomy Grand for committed customers? Oh, you are satisfied with the Deluxe? Very well, Sir.

 

No special instructions, Sir. You can fly home immediately after the procedure. When shall I book your appointment with one of our lobotomists? Yes, you can come tomorrow. Ok, please provide your tongue print to confirm your appointment tomorrow at 0400 hours. Thank You.

 

If you have any doubts regarding the procedure, you can ask our interning lobotomists at any time.

 

Thank you very much for doing your lobotomy with us, Sir. I assure you, our service is so good, you will lose your mind.

 

Have a nice day, Sir.

Reviews

[DeliriousCerises]

This is certainly satire at it's best: witty. I could see this as a sketch done on camera. You certainly display a talent here. I love how you casually slide in commentary on the government and media. I want to say the currency being water is comments on the environment, like pollution. I love how this just overall screams sly magic trick sales techniques, like especially how she tries to upsell him at the end. I guess I just enjoyed all of this through and through. Well done!

[Holly Soques]

This is brilliant, witty, and quite honestly everything in between. How did you ever come up with this? It's amazing, and I loved especially the references to the media and government. Really, this is definitely not the far future we're talking about, it's practically happening now. Or rather, sometimes I wish I would be more susceptible to that sort of thing, makes life much easier, rather like how I've always fancied a lobotomy... Lol. Brilliant!

[Mockingbird]

this is the most hilarious thing i've ever read. obviously the first thing i thought of when i saw lobotomy was one flew over the cuckoo's nest. then i started reading it and i couldn't stop laughing. it's all so matter of fact and in such a serious tone. but it's clever and witty. the special packages...also a commentary on society, fits in with people like me who don't want to be bothered by the world...very very funny! i loved it.