6/14

I'm gonna be the best, it's my prognosis

need to cut people off, need to stay focused. 

Gotta remember the feeling I had when I wrote this

I was feeling de-ter-mined

my heart was bold, it wasn't hur-tin

Cause pen on the pad is a bullet to a gun

Have love for this like a mother to her son

Love is heavily rooted, in my veins

I'm here thru the losses and the gains

Everyday another lesson

Thank God for this blessing 

To give me a mind, a mind of my own

to differ good and bad, occurring in my dome

is in my chromosome , to be a man of my own.

Author's Note

I advise to read this quick and smooth. It will soothe the whole piece and also click on the picture :)

Reviews

[Rob Funk]

Outstanding bro, nice work

[CRZ]

Thanks man, appreciated

[ron]

Nicely done I like it

[CRZ]

Thank you Ron

[SyberRose]

Nicely penned Jason...enjoyed it..Rose:)

[CRZ]

Thank you Rose

[Coyote Poetry]

Good goals in the poem. We need to set goals and leave the naysayers behind us. We need to stand our ground and reach for our goals. I like the positive feel in the poem. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[CRZ]

Thank you for those words

[Dr. Wood ?]

a great rap.......You need to spell FEELING with a double E though on the third line

[CRZ]

Lol I made a few mistakes in this piece. It was the rush of the moment . When I had the FEELING writing this lol. But I'll shall leave it. Leave it natural and authentic lol. Thanks

[quinfinn]

yeh, this definitely has a beat, and your rhyme scheme is flawless....your wordplay is both intelligent and meaningful, i gotta give this one thumbs way up!

[CRZ]

Thank you quinfinn :)

[quinfinn]

you betcha!

[Leandro Mendez]

cool piece Jason, "to be a man of my own", that line was the perfect ending.

[CRZ]

Thanks man

[Aislinn]

First things first, this is labeled as a story but it definitely looks more like poetry. The rhythm and rhyme is very much present. That's not to say that it's bad, it's not. It's just misrepresented. Other than that, it's an incredible piece. I enjoyed it very much. Your punctuation could be a little more consistent, seeing that it doesn't seem to add anything to the piece. If I'm simply not seeing why it needs to be that way, by all means don't change it. Keep up the good work.

[CRZ]

I'm sorry. I need to change that lol. It's a poem not a story & thank you

[Aislinn]

You're welcome. I have a tendency to be slightly over-analytic.