Too Late

Hey. You seem happy today, I'm glad you're feeling'

the feeling of peace. 

I need a piece of your mind for a minute.

My soul is happy and since your happy, I'm hoping you can put some in it.

Hey. I guess you don't hear me, I'm friendly no need to fear me.

Hey what's up, are you sad? are you feeling down?

I'm here if you need a ear or maybe two

I've been here for you for about two years.

You never pay me attention, I guess is because 

you're sad and you don't want anybody bothering

you or is it just me. I'm here but I need to jut breathe

yooooo, are you mad today ? you looked heated?

You need help with anything? I have your back if anything

hello? Can't understand my words. This silence isn't cute

I know you're mad or whatever but don't put this voice on mute.

okay, whatever. I know this can't last forever. I'll sever who ever

but then again who am I to you?

Today, I am just walking. Walking with no particular location

I started walking and I heard someone screaming from behind me

sounded like it was saying " Jello , Mellow , Fellow or Yellow"

I don't know it was something like that, oh well.

It was too late.

Reviews

[Kianna]

Dear CRZ,

How are you today? I saw this poem in my news feed and the title caught my eye because I surely can identify with that title. I must point out that in the first stanza, third line, change "your" to "you're." I'm supposing in same line, the word "some," refers to the peace the narrator is talking to. This line right here seems loose, "I'm friendly no need to fear me." I feel like that stanza can do without it, but that's my opinion. Overall, this stanza to me reminds me of a poisonous relationship in where there's so much giving, very little receiving.

In the third stanza, in the first line, change "a" to "an." In the third line of that stanza, remove the word, "is," as it is idly there. The last line, change "jut" to "just." The second stanza reminds me of someone being invisible and imprisoned by another's emotional episodes.

This line was a tad awkward, "you looked heated." This is awkward too, "don't put this voice on mute." There's no structure rhyme scheme from the beginning so no need to make anything rhyme now.

Anywho, the feeling is definitely something one can relate to trying to help someone, but not being able to. I liked the meaning and indeed was a good read.

Sincerely JazzSoulKeke,

God bless

[Tionge Rosalie Johnson]

I have to say your feedback was the best I've read on here. So, I'm going to have to agree with what you are saying about this poem. Overall, I did enjoy how the tone remained constant throughout the poem, even if there were a few grammar fixes ( which, is normal by the way), it did have moments of beautiful diction, I especially like the line "I need a piece of your mind for a minute." It really brings the reader into the tone of the piece.

[Dayran]

No doubt that happens ... and each time it does we realize the real issues are miles deep ... not possible in a mere reply to say what it is. Nice.

[Leslie Philibert]

Nice introspective write, with a conversational style that works...

[Lucy Morningstar &heart..]

There are a few awkward bits that other people have pointed out, but otherwise I really really enjoyed this piece! Its just a great read that has a great message behind it and is very well worded/relatable. Well done :)

[Tennessee]

I like the different roles you play on for each emotion. I really enjoyed the ending "It was too late". It sounds like you are talking to a certain person, someone here a minute and gone the next. As they leave you just stare, in a way accepting it. Good work here kid.

[Avinash]

It more sounds like a hip hop song for the girl who is not paying attention. Yeah it's nice and simple and easy to relate with.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Thinking about relationships that lose value because one person is being ignored or may seem unimportant to the other person. Sometimes, when we get comfortable with someone--we take them for granted or devalue them in some way.
Our world is like this today. The workplace is where many get devalued and looked over, or totally taken advantage of because a person is kind and giving.

[CRZ]

Truth!!
You should expand this comment into a poem. Sounds beautiful already. Ha!

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Thanks, have a nice day!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Indeed, once left to chance we may fly away, well done, good read.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Sad how sometimes we are taken for granted because we are so familiar and safe.Well said my friend.

[Justine]

For me, this is like a life cycle of being a friend. Happy, sad, pumped, angry, distant. All fits. I found the final lines puzzling and settled on them being the conscience perhaps? The whole piece had a nice easy flow that I enjoyed reading and could identify with most of what was said. Justine