One night without you

This isn't very good. But my favorite time to write is when I'm feeling a very deep emotion. This came from a very hard night.

Sometimes I can literally feel the sadness inside of my heart. It's the deeper kind of sadness, the kind that doesn't simply part.

It pinches and crushes and the pressure makes it hard to breath. Even though I'm strong most times, there are days that tears take hold of me.

It's not just you that hurts me though. I'd say it isn't you at all in fact.

What hurts me are the pieces of you that aren't completely intact.
I spend a lot of time with you, but it's like you're not really there. You aren't apart of the things I want you to be and your addiction makes me scared.

Your absence is what hurts me. The way that you skip around the truth. When you don't make even a piece of the effort, that is trapped inside of you.

It's been like this for a while now, but lately it's been so much worse. My heart has taken so many kicks, it's not just as easy as brushing off the dirt.

The life that we have created, I hold inside my thoughts. I hold her in my body, and I have loved her from the start.

She hasn't breathed the air of the earth yet, but she has breathed the life of me. She has breathed the life of you as well, as our love gave her the pieces of life that she needs.

But I am afraid for her arrival. What if you aren't here? And even if you're around, what if your mind is over there?

What if she has to hurt, and feel the pain that I have? How will I watch her cry, knowing how she feels inside?

And from experience I know, that even the tightest of arms does not stop the pain. No time being held will fix it, because sadness can make you insane.

I want it to be better. I want everything to be okay. I want to be a family, every single day.

I do not want my baby girl to feel the same pain as I. Though pain is inevitable, we can always keep away certain kinds.

This could go either way, but we are running out of time.

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

I can think of three women off the top of my head - relatives AND friends who raised their children and did so so well. Their kids are to their credit.
A man isn't needed - desired yes, advised to have around yes, but a mother knows how to do the things - instinctively and energy comes from that maternal wellspring.
This is really sad. I can relate but I can't go into why.
Keep writing

[Eyes_wide_open]

I could not respond to your review at first, but I did send you a message with my response. Excuse my clumsiness, I am new here! Lol. But thank you for your time and thought. (:

[Tony Jordan]

I have been experiencing difficulties too on the site. When I click on some answer icons the open the comments box of another poet !! It's cray cray..

[Eyes_wide_open]

Yes! Lol! That is what kept happening. I wasn't sure if it would post the comment on their review instead so I just didn't attempt.

[Tony Jordan]

It'll rectify itself.
If not - it'll be fun around here lol.

[D Connolly]

Oh baby girl, I'm feeling your fear right now. I can relate so hard to this, although my baby didn't make it due to my own addiction. Be strong lovely XOXO

[Eyes_wide_open]

I am so sorry for your experience and the loss of your angel. Though it is a sad relation, I am glad that you were able to connect to my piece. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

[Donald Wilson]

This writing touches my soul. I am a father and I left my young son and daughter with their mother.
Circumstances were different but to read this gives me insight into a mothers pain....

[Eyes_wide_open]

Thought the circumstances aren't good ones, I'm very glad that you were able to feel and relate to this piece. I have dealt with other's addiction before, but this is all so new and scary to me. It really does go to show that an addict's struggle really does affect the people around them. I feel it every single day.

[Eyes_wide_open]

Though****