How bad can I be?

By Ashley

I traveled. 

Far from home. 

To find 

A forest where many creatures roam 

Where the Truffula trees grow. 

Wild and free. 

The prefect material for my Thneed. 

Chopping down one tree. 

Shouldn't do harm. 

Right? 

But then 

The Lorax came to start a fight. 

I stopped. 

Until. 

The greed.

Needed it's fill. 

Before I could tell. 

I had taken away their homes. 

Every tree fell. 

And I lost everything.. 

How bad can I be...? 

Author's Note

This was written from the once-ler/greed-ler(Lorax) point of view. Which ever way yew prefer to look at it. I also wanting to try rhyming. I hope yew enjoy..

Reviews

[Chris]

Our stories are as we see them - our perceptions. Hence our view is what we try to express - even when it's the "our perception" of the other side. You did well - it was understood. Sir Joe raised a fair point also, a different "view" could express the thoughts another way. But in the end, I and all the others here "listened" to your thoughts as you expressed them and found we each had a "view" and that is what we as artists and poets want - to be heard.

[Kitten]

Thanks.

[Chris]

anytime

[KAOlmsted]

Oh wow, I just watched this movie again for the first time in decades with my 9 year old daughter two days ago...how funny is that? Well, I like the flow, and the rhyming was okay, but you lost it at the end...probably by design, which is why I think it works. Good job. Keep up the hard work, and thank you for sharing this with us.

[Kitten]

Thank yew.

[KAOlmsted]

YOU are welcome ;-)

[Kitten]

:)

[InsanityWriter]

Very interesting! :) I love Dr. Seuss. ^_^ Great write!!

[Kitten]

Thanks.

[Larry Dyson]

good start on a great idea...keep writing..Laury

[Kitten]

Thanks.

[Sir Joe]

It pays to be familiar with the story (fable, to be more specific) about Lorax and the greedy Once-ler. The poem makes me think that it is an allegory. Corporate people (Once-ler) tend to be so greedy about earning more that they become so meagerly concerned about our environment. They turn forests into concretes. In the end, they'll realize that doing such will make them lose everything.

The allegory, I find nice. However, the flow is not well-established. You have to be particular with the way the readers will read your poem by considering the pauses or stops during the reading. Proper punctuation will do the trick. Try to read the poem in the right manner. You will find yourself stopping or pausing at certain parts where you are supposed to free-flowingly read. So if you don't mind, let me suggest the following changes in punctuation and groupings:

I traveled
Far from home
To find
A forest where many creatures roam --
Where the Truffula trees grow
Wild and free.

The prefect material for my Thneed
Chopping down one tree
Shouldn't do harm,
Right?

But then
The Lorax came to start a fight.

I stopped
Until...

The greed
Needed its fill
Before I could tell
I had taken away their homes.

Every tree fell
And I lost everything...

How bad can I be...?


- sir joe

[Luna Kusan]

Wow, deeper than i expected..

[Kitten]

Thanks. :3

[Rhianne Ney]

I know how bad this can be and the effect of it on others, that's pretty bad but yeah, the last line had summarized it all perfectly, nice one

[Kitten]

Thanks.

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome

[Carnation]

Nice, I love the lorax

[Kitten]

Thanks. Me too.

[Rika]

awesome wright, loved it!! never ever ever x1000 stop writing!

[Kitten]

Thanks. :)

[Shannen Forrester]

Good poem, not the kind of poetry I usually like, but I really enjoyed this one :)

[Kitten]

Thank yew.

[Shannen Forrester]

More than welcome :)

[Kitten]

:)

[17thWhitePrince]

I liked this poem indeed !!!
I do feel sorry for those trees !!!
Oh how the Lorax grieves
For those chopped down trees !!!

Well done !!!

[Kitten]

Thanks.