Family reunion of the southern fried life

Another quickie

We're going to my dysfunctional family Affair

If you shot me right now I just wouldn't care

      Every year it's our private depair

I'm ready to run screaming before I get there

 

Aren't you supposed to be coming tonight

It's almost 6:30 you know that's not right

What do you mean you got a Tarantula bite

You're not getting out of this reunion tonight

 

Just walk through the door and get in the car

Stop faking an aneurism you little retard

Just sit quietly on the couch that isn't so hard

I swear I'll drag you across our front yard

 

You finally relented and over the hills we went

Down the road to where my childhood was spent

If I ever want sex again you said I could get bent

That's why hookers is where all our money is spent

 

So up to the front of the house we pull up

Where pitbulls are chained up to pickup trucks

Where a double wide trailer is spending big bucks

 if you want to eat healthy you're s**t out of luck

 

Here come my two cousins Wilber and Jed

They kept them chained up in the back of a shed

     Until they arranged for Jed to be wed

and dropped rocks on Wilber's soft little head

 

Then up rolls my five hundred pound aunt

With her scary a*s cameltoe riding her pants

I try to look away but somehow I just can't

The site always put me in a horrified trance

 

Then there's the table overflowing with food

 jugs full of moonshine the oldman had brewed

gangs of toddlers running around in the nude

a fleabag old hound dog someone named beu

 

Goddamn it I hate it when she serves wine

She digs up the cheapest s**t every time

I think their's bug spray mixed up in mine

She's trying to kill me well aint that just fine

 

Jesus Christ what did she put in this

It Tastes like Pregnant Rhino piss

She's crazy if she thinks I'm eating this

and then I can hear you starting to hiss

 

It's my favorite 3rd cousin the family s**t

So that's what just crawled up your butt

You know she's the first girl I ever fucked

Shouldn't have told you that now I'm stuck

 

She batted her eyes and said Hi Ricochet

and I thought you might just kill me today

Glaring at me like you could shoot death rays

this is the south baby we do things that way

 

So then the old man gets all liquored up

and drops his false teeth into your cup

Then falls face first into maple syrup

Then I see you slowly start to get up

 

You say we are out of here right the f**k now

    If you forgot the way I'll show you how

Say all your goodbyes and take your last bow

Seeing your w***e cousin is more than allowed

 

So we went back to our humble little life

Me the good husband you the good wife

But every year we go through the strife

Of the family reunion with southern fried life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Just playin around. Ya know what I mean?

Reviews

[Marie]

I know what you mean. I may be a very lucky person. I no longer have enough family for a renuion...

[Baby Ricochet]

Oh I got plenty of relatives. Thanx for reading Marie

[Michael G.]

And yesterday, I was so proud of myself for making oven fried chicken, taters, and green beans, with a mater on the side. Now I have to do something with the leftovers now, I guess.
Great write.
I agree with Chris on this.
(It's fun watching you expand.)

[Baby Ricochet]

Oh that sounds good. THanx for reading Mr G.

[That_Girl]

Your style is addictive and I love it. You have this dry sort of sense of humor that really makes you stand out. Fantastic job once again.

"Just walk through the door and get in the car
Stop faking an aneurism you little retard
Just sit quietly on the couch that isn't so hard
I swear I'll drag you across our front yard" I swear these words are spoken to me everytime I see certain family members.

[Baby Ricochet]

For sure. Thanx for reading That_Girl

[Mic]

lol... Bein' from the south, just can't figure why there's no mention o' Nascar racin', though ya must admit, we do have the finest food in the world. Family reunions... count me out!

Penned one about Hillary and Bill, once upon a time. I'll put it up for a giggle sometime.

Well done and love the rhyme!

[Baby Ricochet]

Nascar! Should have thought of that. love to see the one about Hillary and Bill.

[Tai Ryens]

Very humorous, and astounding regarding that this was crafted in a short moment.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanx Tai.

[That_Guy]

So funny. My father's side of the family is well, Southern Fried. so I can relate heh. Great job man.

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for reading that guy

[Heather]

I think we are related..or at least share some of the same family members..this made me laugh HARD. great write!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for reading heather

[Chris]

This was flat Great!... and yeah, I am laughing but because it was a fun read - the tongue was in the neighbor's cheek - dayum!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanx for reading chris

[Chris]

I'm serious...THAT was precious and righteous both!

[KAOlmsted]

Oh f**k me, dude...I cannot stop laughing. You totally win...game over...you f*****g win.

[Baby Ricochet]

I found a better picture. Thanx for reading

[KAOlmsted]

That picture is way better, yes...and thank you for writing; you quite often make my day.