bad news blues

I lean in to be closer and listen
intent to hear clearly what you say
a caressing breeze your warm
breath against my face
but your eyes avoid mine
looking, staring at the sky
telling me more than your words
I bite my lip- try not cry
on my calm, this invasion you plan
launching upon me insidious deceipt
to relieve yourself the burden, of which i want none-
take it with you as you leave.
sour disappointment sticks thick on my lips
from the unspoken poison pen words
i want to say but wisely refrain
necessary lessons are oft hardest learned.
you will get what you so desire
and be forever free of me
though the liberation you need
is from yourself, an unattainable luxury.

Reviews

[Wildecat]

Extremely well written, a definite pleasure to read.

[SweetPeachesAlways]

necessary lessons are oft hardest learned. - a very nicely written line...
I like this piece very much and you have a unique way of writing that is very poignant, yet powerful in and of itself...very beautifully written. Nice job!

[Vincent Weathers]

This poem has an interesting choice of words, "insidious, deceipt, luxury..." The words are powerful, yet the word "luxury" might seem a lesser appropriate word, it actually is the opposite. Its clear to me that the poem is about a relationship and the break up. "I bite my lip- try not cry" this is one of my favorite lines, because it has a strong image of the person's facial expression. It is simplistic on the structure level, and the choice of words in the sentence makes the sentence clear. "i want to say but wisely refrain
necessary lessons are oft hardest learned" this sentence is also good, for it has a straightforward message.
Overall, this piece to me is like... stressed, if I can say so. Its negativeness seems to have that after taste, that seems to leave a dark image on ones mind. Its good writing. Its also a good thing that not every line is capitalized either, for reading with those would make the poem awkward.