Suicide Watch (Poem)

Suicide Watch (Poem)

A Poem by ericdeben
"

Don't give up all you have when you don't know what you've got.

"
Standing at a rooftop,
Ready to jump,
My life will soon be over.
I'm giving everything up.

I look down at the pavement,
Stories beneath my feet,
There's no turning back now,
So I brace myself for eternal sleep.

I am falling ever so slowly,
When I reconsider,
Life could have been great.
Is this really worth my surrender?

I grab onto a window sill,
But my hand slips off.
Save me, God.
Bring me back to the rooftop.

I hit the ground,
Thinking "this is it, this is it"
But God has given me another chance;
Another chance to live.

So here is my lesson...
And please give this some thought:
Don't give up all you have
When you don't know what you've got.

© 2011 ericdeben


Author's Note

ericdeben
This is based off my screenplay "Suicide Watch" check it out if you liked this :)

Also, I put "God" in there even though I personally don't believe in God.

My Review

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Featured Review

I think it would have been better, my person wording, without "God" since also I do not believe in 'him'. But I do agree with the message and tho I haven't tried this method of doing it, it's well captured. You can see the acrophobia in the speaker too.
Good write

-Marie-

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

interesting work as to the god reference i guess in this situation we would call in desperation on any power that might have an influence in what appears an inevitable fate.


Posted 10 Years Ago


I liked this nice imagery good job

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this poem. It's very well written, and shines hope to the world - something of which we are running out of. Thanks for writting this, it was excellent.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Really enjoyed it. Last sentence hit home hard. I wish there was such poetry when I was going through my depressed phase a few years ago. Keep on writing!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Enjoyed my read. Very well done... :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


I like the inclusion of God, though I don't believe either, and I feel that it gives your character depth. Perhaps your narrator never believed either? Perhaps he'll use "God" to get him through this and then forget about it? Either way, I enjoyed the poem and the screenplay. I've always been disgusted by the way that suicide is perceived in society. It's not a decision that is made flippantly. Good work.

If you want criticism, I guess my only one would be the last line, which I think lacks the punch of strong wording. Even so, I think the poem works as a whole. I feel it.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Venues for discussing "God" in ANY of Its/His/Her myriad of forms and presentations are always available... so I won't. THe thoughts within the work have value and validity. The thoughts AFTER listening to the poem ALSO have value and validity. Suicide is a very SELF act. Many see the personal choice framed within their perceptions and reference NOT within those of the 'victim'. Walking in another's shoes is more than a 'face' valuing - its the beginning of listening - and eventually understanding.

Chris

Posted 10 Years Ago


I believe in God and I thought it was wonderful. I've had my own personal experience with almost hanging myself and God was the only thing that saved me that night. He changed my life. So even though people have other opinions on their own religion, I know what I feel and I thought it was a wonderful way to use his name. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


has magnetic appeal.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I believe regardless of personal believe that the message is in the piece is still very clear, that as humans we will cling to any hope and ultimately let it go when we feel death at our necks.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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1031 Views
15 Reviews
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Added on August 22, 2011
Last Updated on August 22, 2011
Tags: suicide, death, life, watch, film, first, noir, poem, version 2

Author

ericdeben
ericdeben

Some town, MA



About
I'm 15 years old and I'm an aspiring filmmaker. When you review my writing, don't just shower me with praise; I can use all the constructive criticism I can get. I'll be taking creative writing class.. more..

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A Poem by ericdeben



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