DECISIONS

Destinee Fontaine is reflecting back on decisions her dad made for her that she didn't like.

As I think back on my life, I’ve run into and through a lot of people.  It seems as if everyone I have ever met has wanted a piece of Destinee Fontaine.  And because of this, I’ve never really been able to trust people.  Now, I’ve always been able to discern when people have meant me harm.  I’d like to think that of all my gifts from GOD, discernment is my best.  With women, it’s always been easy to figure us out because we have an M.O. that transcends nationalities.  Women of all races don’t trust one another, and I am no different.  I never let my guard down with other women.  Men on the other hand are a lot harder for me to figure out.  They have been since I was very young.  Men, boys, male figures, they have always been my weakness, and I believe that it all stems from how I was raised, and brought up in the church. I never had any real experiences with boys growing up.  And by real I mean long lasting relationships that had ups and downs, good times and bad times, a lesson learned from each boy, or even more importantly, a broken heart.  A broken heart is more painful than any broken bone in the body, and it takes a lot longer to heal.  But a broken heart is also necessary for a young girl to experience.  Dads will go to the ends of the earth to keep their little girls from experiencing the pain of a broken heart, I know mine did.  But the honest dads will tell you that a broken heart is necessary for young girls to experience, because once they do, they will never trust the same again.  It frees dads from having to carry the shotgun around every time a boy wants to date his daughter.  That chip on their daughter’s shoulder is now the shotgun, and dads will know when it’s there, and a smile will come across their faces because now they know that their daughter is ready.  Ready for any boy trying to run game; ready for any boy thinking a preacher’s kid is an easy target; or ready for any man thinking she is weak minded, or lacking the self-confidence to think for herself.  A broken heart allows a young woman to be ready at all times, and ready for anything.

        Without ever having her heart broken, a woman is as vulnerable as that little girl she was so many years before.  Without knowing what to look for from a guy, that shotgun that dad wields around will never protect her.  The only true protection a girl can have, comes from having had a broken heart…

        My parents had me under lock and key when I was growing up, and as an adult, I have paid a hefty price.  Because I never had my heart broken as a young girl, my dad could stick out his chest and be proud that he protected me from that.  He could tell stories of chasing away no good boy after no good boy, and feel good about himself.  Me on the other hand can’t see game coming from a guy if it reached out and bit me.  Men say and do things that I fall for time and time again.  I have always felt like an outsider away from my parents’ home because my dad does not have his shotgun to protect me anymore; and I’ve never been allowed to have my own shotgun- that chip on my shoulder - so that I could have been ready for all the bullshit that these guys throw at me. 

        I have silently resented my parents for raising me that way.  I know they did some good things and did their best, but I can’t get past certain decisions that were made, that I don’t feel were in my best interest. 

        It was 2^nd grade, and my parents thought that it would improve my behavior.  I was put in a charter school, so that I could work in classes that had less students, and be at a school that supposedly had the top teachers in the area.  This school that my parents chose for me was further from my house than the public school, didn’t have a bus that came by the house, so my dad had to drive me to school, and went from grades K-12.  Kindergarteners plus twelfth graders going to school together, whoever heard of such a thing?  I really missed my friends, and my grades were good, so, I did not want to change schools.  I was not a happy camper. 

        I wanted to go to the private school right down the street.  I didn’t understand why my dad pushed so hard for me to go to this charter school, which was a lot further away, not as prestigious, and cost almost as much, until years later.  The principal, took a real liking to me almost from the very beginning.  As it turned out, he was a good friend of my dad’s.  The principal sold my dad on how rigorous the curriculum was there and how much more prepared I’d be going into college if I graduated from there as opposed to any other school in the city.  The way it was told to me is that the principal told my dad that there were a lot of smart kids in his school, but that there were no ‘A’ students.  He said students made ‘A’s, but no one averaged an ‘A’ because the curriculum was just too hard.  My dad told him that I had not made anything less than an ‘A’, ever.  The principal huffed, “That’s just not possible here”.  He told my dad that he is sure I am a bright girl, but he has a student with a 140 IQ that only has a 3.9GPA.  My dad said that it sounds to him like the curriculum is set up in such a way for no student to get a 4.o, just so they can promote how rigorous the curriculum is there. My dad’s friend didn’t say anything, he just smiled at my dad and gave him a wink. 

        At this point, my dad was ticked off at his arrogant little friend, so he tells the principal to put his money where his mouth is.  If Destiny gets all ‘A’s the entire school year, her tuition is free.  If she gets just one ‘B’, my dad will pay 1.5 times the normal tuition.  The greedy little prick of a principal couldn’t help but accept the offer.  One hundred percent of his students had made at least one ‘B’.  For him it was easy money… Like taking candy from a baby. 

        When I arrived at the Charter school, I found out why the curriculum was so rigorous; because you’re taking eight classes a day with homework in each one.  They require you to take a foreign language "German, French, Spanish,- which are the subjects that trip up students the most.  Plus, there are no easy grades like P.E., Art, or Music.  None " the " less, I went on to get all ‘A’s that school year.  Being a man of his word, the principal told my dad that I would receive a full academic scholarship for that school year, retroactive to the beginning of the school year.  I made straight ‘A’s again the next year, and again was awarded an academic scholarship that retroactively paid off all of my tuition.  The principal was in shock and awe over what I had accomplished, because to him I just looked like a regular kid.  I didn’t wear glasses, I didn’t use a ton of big words when I spoke, and I was pretty athletic.  So he thought that I would make regular grades.  “Think again boo”.    I had accomplished something that no one had done up to that point, nor has anyone been able to do since I left. 

        The principal wanted to use my name and likeness to promote his school, but my dad said no.  I would not be going back to that school.  It really wasn’t that tough academically, they just kept you so busy that it seemed tough.  We had so much work to do each night, that study habits and discipline were the only things that would put you over the top, and mine were better than most.  I did struggle with the pressure that was put on me because of the bet.  There was tangible money on the line, and the smallest slip could cost my dad thousands.  During those two years my head stayed in my books.  Not only because of how tough it was, but also because I didn’t want to look at my parents.  Neither one of my parents asked me how I felt, and I am glad they didn’t, because if they had, I just might have told them that I hated them.  I just might have told them that I wanted to quit, bet bedamned.  There was some serious resentment built up over those two years.

        Basketball was becoming a bigger part of my life, so my dad decided to transfer me out of the charter school after two years.  I was so happy.  It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of me.  He transferred me to the private school around the corner.  Years later, I spoke to my dad about the decision to put me in that charter school.  I told him how those were two of the worst years of my young life.  I couldn’t play basketball because of how rigorous the curriculum was there, then, there was the added pressure of not having any room for error, or I would cost the family thousands of dollars.  I told him that I almost cracked.  My dad did something that I had never seen him do.  He shed a tear.  He told me that he was sorry, and asked me to forgive him.  He said that it was selfish of him to do that, and put me in that position.  He said that there was no way in heaven that he was going to let that short little man mock his daughter.  That brought a smile to my face, because I saw the same competitiveness in my dad, which I had always seen in myself.  He didn’t want his friend the principal to beat him, and he bet on me.  It’s actually kind of flattering.  Then, I asked my dad what would he have done if I had gotten a ‘B’.  He responded… “I would have paid the little fella”.

Reviews

[Philip Muls]

You have indeed created a real life character. Authentic and believable. Interesting how she came to resent her parents for the way they raised her. Her father over shielding her and not allowing her to have valuable experiences to learn from.

Well done. I'd appreciate your feedback on some of mine.

[Erik T. Jackson]

Thank you Philip for your feedback. I will definitely give you feedback on some of your stuff...

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoy your stories. Real life and family. I like the situation and the challenge of the child. Both parent and child found peace. You create strong family and proper goals. Thank you for sharing the powerful stories. You are a amazing writer.
Coyote