who's the barest of them all?

who's the barest of them all?

 

 

you dipped yourself in flatter batter

then consumed your own ego

with a dash of flutter butter

lashes winging their way to stardom

only your eyes saw bigger than your heart

and you left me at the start

putting the leftovers in a freezer

as cold as you,

till as old as you

need to be

to ultimately see

 

at what cost you lost your flavor

and fallen out of favor

with the mirror

of your conscience.

 

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/6/15

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

A Wow's D****t!, to you, Jacob ... I do think that you done did said it of telling it all the exact way it needed to be said ... I can only hope that she read it, and grasped even an inkling's glimmer of a gleam's iota of all that you summed up about her, ever so Poetically written as one bitten and smitten to now no longer be a pigeon, nor anybody's fool!

Marve

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sometimes we play the part...thank you, Marve,
j.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

"Whoes the Barest of all"
Jacob,
This poem of yours was inspiring just because of it's format. The lines create a sing song rhythm.
Back to the poem: Human pride can be the downfall:
"You dipped yourself in flatter butter
then consumed your own ego"
Solitary is the life of relationship with one's ego:
"only your eyes saw bigger than your heart
and you left me at the start"
Then it was a tragedy to see the debilitating process when self preoccupation is left unchecked:
"as cold as you
till as old as you
need to be
to ultimately see"
These words are like a wake up call. "Be on guard." That is, watch our human heart as we interact in this world. For really all of our lives are for the world's sake.
"at what cost you lost your flavor
and fallen out of favor
with the mirrow
of your conscience."
Bye for now and thanks for a good poem to give me my own opportunity for thought.
Kathy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

really appreciate your extensive and insightful review, Kathy. And for bringing back an oldie...read morereally appreciate your extensive and insightful review, Kathy. And for bringing back an oldie...

j.

[rubie]

this is so very clever!

i love the metaphor, and the rhyme adds so much whimsy!

too many people have egos that prevent them from seeing their world with clarity, and from forming genuine bonds with anyone other than themselves.

how sad that is....

baring ourselves to others makes us vulnerable, but that is the only way we will be seen and loved for who we really are.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, rubie.

j.

[Jamestown]

Well written and delivered!
Great wording and flow:)
The things people do to feed their ego:(
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Jamestown.

j.

[Cat]

Love this! Such an interesting comparison, very original.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Cat.

j.

[terry smith]

Sad what some people will give up for their ego.. nice write!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your visit and your insights, terry,

j.

[Cherry Pepperweb]

It's a very difficult thing to bare ourselves, without the dressing...
We are all flawed. Whether on the inside or outside.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

very true, Cherry...thank you for your words,

j.

[emmajoy]

' only your eyes saw bigger than your heart - and you left me .. '

Oh my, such a thick scattering of hurt with this feast, jacob. How sad to think - no, to know that there are folk who can play their finely but so sadly reflected games

Truly not sure what was wrong when i reviewed your two poems, have mis-worded so badly. Please forgive me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, emma...


j.

[Fran Marie]

this comes together so well...with the scattered thyme and play on words.

Neat Poem

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Fran Marie...appreciate your kind words.

j.

[andrew mitchell]

This is so good! Some people are all exterior and no interior and when the exterior starts to get old, what has she got to offer! Cold! Clever stuff J if my interpretation is on the correct course as I've been wrong before lol.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are never wrong in interpretation andrew........and i like how you read this one.

thank you for your words.