substitute

substitute

 

 

my composure
is succinctly saccharine based,

upon, your sugar eyes
dilated or congealed
into coldness

i am your cup of coffee
to drink or drain

but the composition of your gaze
is diluting the tenor of my heart's song

and i wish you would lift me to your lips
verbalize the song,

so i can feel the expression
and let my love spill back to you.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/16/16

Reviews

[V]

Very nicely composed piece. Great choice of words and comparisons, I found many extraordinarily enjoyable lines in here.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Vanessa.

j.

[Ange Faith]

Pulling me through the screen of my computer. Your words scream to be published into forever!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Ange.
j.

[Marianne]

Oh my...a visual sensual love song of need and desire so succinctly portrayed in the mood of eyes, lips and a heart's song, patiently waiting for its fulfilment. Well, that's how your bitter-sweet and short poetry spoke to me. I very much enjoyed reading you here, jacob!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Marianne!

j.

[Marianne]

My pleasure. You have faithfully read my poetry before, jacob. May I softly ask for your feedback on my new poem called 'SO LITTLE LOVE?' Thank you in advance!

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Oh! from my lips to my heart...you certainly knowhow to woo a woman Jacob!lol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Queenie..
j.

[MomzillaNC]

The poet’s pen turns all things to the expressions of the lover. A cup of coffee is the lover to fill the beloved, the beloved’s lips embraces the lover…

Lovely.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Momzilla...
j.

[MomzillaNC]

yvw :D

[Cassie]

awww...this is so so sweet jacob, I like diluting the tenor of my hearts song

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Cassie...
j.

[Neville]

This is without any doubt whatsoever, a true delight and certainly one to savour over and over.....Cheers jacob my fine literary friend.........

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Neville....

j.

[redzone]

maybe you should have just been yourself and offered her your tea lips Jacob.. I know you do drink coffee and maybe not tea either so you could never be a substitute to her or she to you, though with hearts the way they are, we often also have no choice in the matter as someone has said the heart goes where the heart goes and we make the adjustments to its wanderings...

in any case Jacob it is good to read your words again as I have missed them and there is no substitute for the places they take me...

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

how much do you charge an hour for your therapy? good advice!

thanks,

j.

[redzone]

hmmmm charge??? lol... only that you write Jacob, but I think you cannot help but write so ... No Charge!!! ;0)

[barleygirl]

This message is filled with a back-and-forth tension that's palpable, as the narrator tries to lure the beloved with a sweet slurp of coffee and a warm swish upon the lips. Very creative construction of give-and-take longing both expanding & contracting.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, barleygirl...

j.

[...]

Living saccharine lies...
sucks when there's no cotton in the candy
I see you're still knocking um' out, Jacob :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, lynn---

j.