substitute

substitute

 

 

my composure
is succinctly saccharine based,

upon, your sugar eyes
dilated or congealed
into coldness

i am your cup of coffee
to drink or drain

but the composition of your gaze
is diluting the tenor of my heart's song

and i wish you would lift me to your lips
verbalize the song,

so i can feel the expression
and let my love spill back to you.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/16/16

Reviews

[Miss Sharon]

Oh my my...be still my beating heart and keep me from losing control! LOL Really Jacob....this is awesome writing. I love it. ~Sharon

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Sharon...

appreciate your words,

j.

[h d e rushin]

it gets awkward; being a poet I mean. Because everything you touch or reach at is somehow
laid before you like a giant, beautiful rug. You don't want to step on it because it's far too beautiful.
And because of it's beauty there are places in your home (or your heart) that it doesn't belong. So we
move our emotions around to fit all the many storied sequences of fate because fate has no
conditional or influenced substitute.

I can remember the early sugar substitutes....Saccharin. Although it was very sweet it never really
was sugar was it Jacob.. //great poem....dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, dana.

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

Despite the fact that there is no substitute for some things, sometimes we try anyway. A minor question/comment -- punctuation in the second stanza, not sure the reason for the comma after upon. Maybe I am missing something, as you are not apt to use incorrect punctuation.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

pausing upon that word...stress...

thank you for your comment and for the careful read...

j.

[Pryde Foltz]

To be used up and discarded. The thing is those who do it have no idea that is what they do:) They will even tell you it is because you've gone cold:)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, that is true, Pryde,

thank you,
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

the longing is palpable and i do feel the deep sadness ..so relatable ... its a misery not being able to let go .. the little twist of sarcasm i read at the start doesn't inhibit the underlying pain .. i spent too much time in more than one such coffee house ...numb ... no sugar added :(
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, E.

j.

[1VJ]

Gotta love a coffee metaphor, there's no substitute for your poetry. Caffeine and poetry, the two major elements for sustenance.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Paloma...

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

This is the cup of coffee the morning is destined to brew but many prefer the laziness of instant.

Will you be taking bourbon with your coffee sir?

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha..bourbon...hiccup...thank you, Al.

j.

[andrew mitchell]

Being sugar based, how you dissolved around her. love the metaphors here J, her love of coffee and your love expresso! ( expressed!)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, andrew,

j.

[Jimmy Yetts]

While your composure may be saccharine based, your love sure does sound like some pure sugar cane.
An intensely romantic metaphor, Jacob; one providing a very rich, rewarding read!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jimmy...

j.