in separate cars

in separate cars

 

 

he follows the white line

a dark traffic

his nostrils tense on the steering wheel

sniffing road signs that warn him

 

and yet he ages down the road

breaking speed limits of ingestion

until his veins puncture

his body hobbles along the black top

engine still racing,

 

while his mind tries to thumb a new ride.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

9/18/16

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

Great piece, reminds me of an old auntie, who would press her face literally up to the windscreen whilst driving.
She actually made Mr Magoo look safe.
Strangely enough, she died of natural causes.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for this...love the visual....and Mr. Magoo...fascinating how he always managed to stay safe...and that voice, from Jim Backkus....

j.

[Paul Bell]

Yes, the voice did it.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jacob, You are a poet with virtual reality.
It is all true... we do age down the road...
the radio is a distraction...
We never text while driving. truly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Pat...:)))

j.

[Patricia Wedel]

You are welcome🍁

[.]

Excellent write, Jacob.

You have given a brilliant depiction of the perils of the aging body; the body starts to wear out but the mind remains sharp and well-oiled. I don't think there would be any reader with a certain degree of age and experience that couldn't relate to this poem. And the reality is, once people start to address you as "Sir", you know you really have some miles on the clock, even though the engine still hums beautifully.

Another extremely well written poem. Amazing work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Doodley...

j.

[forgotten_ghosts]

Took me a bit of time to get this poem, but then it hit me hard. It reminded of my grandfather, who was kind of fit concerning his mind but his body just gave up. Excellent work, this will be the first poem that will be added to my "library"!
Inspirational and touching!
Greetings

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, and so sorry that happened to your grandfather....when either the mind or body gives up and the other is still fighting to go on...it is sad.

j.

[andrew mitchell]

haha how age wearies the body while the engine room, the mind is still young at heart. Lovely write as always Jacob, a style uniquely yours that you do so well. awe inspiring!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

my mind will always be young at heart, even when the body wears out.

j.

[Aprille]

Fast cars, fast as time,
Lonely road, tired body trying to catch up, wanting to travel a new road. Just some thoughts here. Thank you for your once again beautiful piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Olive.

j.

[Aprille]

You're welcome.

[redzone]

whoa Jacob, stay away from those white lines... it was either Melle Mel or Sugar Hill Gang who wrote that song "White Lines" and they weren't talking about thumbing rides... I really liked how you used driving and sniffing to point to a blown mind... while this may be self destructive, too often many others suffer when those veins puncture... pop in a CD Jacob cause I'm driving and this black top ain't got no lines... no stopping til we hit the west coast... ;0)

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i appreciate your words, Curt.

j.

[WittyWonka]

How wonderful would it be to hitch a new ride? Such is life, I guess. Some of us manage to keep the body together with aftermarket parts so we can at least stay close behind our minds while others simply end up at the junk yard. Great write!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for the kind words, Witty.

j.

[Alice Poésy]

I love how you compare emotions and paths of the heart to simple every day things, such as cars and roads.

This is a wonderful comparison giving both an interesting tale and a route into the heart of a darker life. Your writings have this certain gravity that pulls me towards them with their fascination. Wonderfully penned.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Alice.
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

There are so many roads we can take and few we get to, that is why we must take the one that leads where we want to go and not hitch rides on others destiny's.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sound philosophy my friend....thank you,

j.