Backpacking into a Dream

Backpacking into a Dream

 

 

into pages we wander

carrying nothing but our words

in a backpack full of old clothes

old relationships

old angst

forever spilling out of its thermos

but kept kindling

 

into pages we wander

love the compass

with the needle pointing us

in the wrong direction

the deep forest green so serene

becomes a maze as i gaze at you

 

so close, but so far

a touch away

yet screaming an unknown location

i must sit and rest my heart

pour out the remaining angst

give those clothes to goodwill

throw away the compass

 

and just let the magnetic thoughts of you

guide me to my end.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/11/19

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is an awesome description that sends me back to my backpacking days. I found that often my male companion (various ones) would become obsessed with the mechanics of getting from point A to point B in the wilds, setting up camp, etc. . . . whereas I would be wishing he'd stop, put down the stupid (whatever) & come over here & ravish me where I lie naked in a shallow creek. Your poem shows that in a delightful way (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

okay, i blushed....you got me...thank you for sharing and for relating to this...:)))))
j.

[Cherrie]

What a image! An adventure strolling through a forest of words.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Cherrie.
i always appreciate your visits to my page.
j.

[PaintedBirdy]

so much gorgeous imagery. pages as dreams like books we wander into. i love it. and we bring our biased backpack of memories to all we encounter. the compass is the conflict in this. is the compass our regret? if so, yeah, throw it away!

i'm tired of praising, so my critique: i've thought about this with my own writing. proper nouns like thermos and goodwill. i wonder if they should be capitalized. i love how you rarely capitalize stuff, reminds me of bell hooks who took me down this path of never capitalizing too, and cormac mccarthy who hates squiggles on the page, but i always wonder if i should still capitalize some things. what do you think? they're names, so i struggle with how i'd do this in my own writing too.but i love this, brother, you're an artist. i'm seeking expertise. how do we justify one choice over the other?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate the critique part of this review...and the question...as Emily Dickinson randomly capitalized and we could never really tell why...guess i am the opposite in poetry...i never capitalize "i" and as an English teacher, that would be a no-no...but i don't capitalized it in my poetry because to me the poem is what is important..the theme, not the speaker.
and yes, once in a blue moon i capitalize other words, but in general don't...and yes, Goodwill is proper but the double meaning of "good will" is not...
You have a strong point..and i am guilty...but it is done on purpose...at any rate...i am glad to get a nod in the other direction from praise..so thank you for being honest.
and we do have Poetic License...i know prose writers probably hate that...but poetry has much looser boundaries.
thank you, Mondaine....
j.

[PaintedBirdy]

whoa, thanks for the thoughtful comment back! i usually get ignored when i write critical feedback. and thanks for sharing your view. to be honest, i know you're someone i can learn from, i guess because you're a teacher! haha. now it makes sense.
and i consider myself a prose writer too! most of my poetry is unmetered trash songs. but i generally think rules in writing are just guidelines for professionals and in art all formulas can be spilled. it's always interesting to hear other writer's view on things. so thanks!

[Larq]

Those magnetic thoughts may be my demise. Having the heart of a lover and a dreamer often leads us to a painful place. Giving up the compass is good though...freeing. I felt this...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Larq,
j.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Makes me think of
carrying them in bleeding
words of our poems to
just set the past free and
set ourselves free of that
pain and never look back...

If it was meant to be
the ones we were hurt
by we would of still
been with them because
they were lessons of
life and there's something
better for us.

so all my past everything
and others hurt becomes
lessons and victory of survival.

And paint the stepping
stones to something
a lot more amazing
in my life my journey.

into pages we wander

carrying nothing but our words

in a backpack full of old clothes

old relationships

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful, poetic reply Benita.
j.

[TheJordBaker]

The 'magnetic thoughts' line poetically pulls this piece together at the end. A piece filled with ironic opposites- needles pointing the wrong way- close but far- a great theme throughout.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, JordBaker.
j.

[Fairy Khan]

I believe that the past is better left in the past, as it only overburdens our present and ruins the future.
Nice one, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i agree, Fairy...if only we could unload the baggage before it gets on that plane...but the past seems to fly along with us into the future.
thank you for your words,
j.

[Fairy Khan]

My pleasure. :)

[Chris Shaw]

Sometimes we go off course and know it in our search for love and friendship. That's when our hearts rule our heads and we follow regardless willing to take a chance. That's where you took me Jacob. An excellent metaphor here.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful review, Chris.
j.