senryu on site

senryu on site

in the still of night

archeological find

the bones of a poem

erin-cilberto

3/13/22

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Ah brilliant
Love it Jacob
Great 👍

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Julie,
j.

[Miss Sharon]

Beautifully done Jacob! How nice to see you writing in form. ~Sharon

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Sharon---the only form I really like doing.
j.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Quick setup a perimeter and let's carbon-date the poet.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Cherrie...love that comment.

[Cherrie Palmer]

:) it was a fun and witty poem.

[William Michael Reeves]

No relation to mine. I liked this because if I could do life over I might have gone to school and become an archeologist. I love to dig and find. Now I do that with words as you do too.

At the risk of you writing me a new one, the perfectionist in me has to mention your extra syllable in the last line. And if I really wanted to offend you I would rewrite it like this...

In the still of night
Archeologists find
Bones of a poem

[William Michael Reeves]

That's wrong. Archeological is right

[William Michael Reeves]

I don't know. Now I want to add will to it. Archeologists will find. Who am I to mess with your shot! Sorry

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no problem, although my last line had five syllables as in senryu, five, seven, five.
thank you, Bill,

[jacob erin-cilberto]

But I guess we could fight over "poem" as being one or two syllables....If you see it and pronounce as two....then yes, there is one too many....
and touche....
I have always pronounced like "pome" .....
Peeano or Pie ano....mmmmm

[William Michael Reeves]

That was my first thought too. I guess it is one of those words that can go both ways. Swings both ways. Androgynous words. Interesting idea......

[Aluppi Jampur]

And they eyes shall feast once more upon a soul nurturing find

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Chrome,
j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Well keep digging it. I am. ;)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, I will...
j.

[Desert Knave]

Love it. Straight to the point. I have a "coffin" (shoe box) loaded with bones of what I meant to be poems. Once in awhile a late night venture brings one of them to life. ~Jim

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I hear that, Jim.
thank you,
j.

[Patricia]

Excellent! Mine are ashes, they won’t find them ;)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

they will surely look, though,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

My poems have plenty of bones. Unfortunately they need flesh too and a beating heart. This reminds me of all the skeletons in the poetry closet, waiting to see the light of day. Really like this brevity J.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Oh Chris, your poems have so much heart....and flesh that is the description that makes us see and feel so much.
j.

[Gee]

If and when words come to me it is in the quiet, morning hours before leaving for work.
I'm not a night owl like you Jacob, I like my zzzzzzzz 's :)
Good morning

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Who Who Who is a night owl? :))))

thank you, Gee,
j.

[Gee]

Chuckling here you ...twit you, twit you