Boredom

What is this feeling?

Today, I felt something rather unusual.

I was doing nothing, nothing at all,

When suddenly, I felt a sting most brutal.

It took me a while to realise I was bored.

I'd never ever felt it before,

For me, it was a novelty.

It unnerved me to the core,

I sought to lose it immediately.

Since I didn't know where to start,

I started to do whatever

And the feeling fell apart,

I hoped that it was gone forever.

But now that it passed, I really do miss it,

It was something new and strange in my life,

And I scared it out in a second split,

Guess I'll never know what it's really like.

Author's Note

Obviously I do know boredom, but I had not felt it for a very, very long while, until this morning, when I remembered it.
I didn't like how this poem turned up, but I still want to share the strange feeling I had today, because first I felt bored and then I felt amazed that it had been so long since the last time I felt bored.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

alright, dear protégé, with this poem you prove to have potential, but we still have some molding to do, as it's not yet at its best.

Poetry is a dance - a dance that you, the poet, are having with the reader. You, the poet, need to lead that dance, and have to ensure that your partner(s), the readers, don't trip on a word or get lost in the melody. With that said, musicality is "im-pre-scin-dible"! Musicality is not rhythm - no los confundes - rhythm can be scanned (you can measure it with a metronome - musicality is the seamless flow from thought to thought and line to line. It needs to rise like a wave and crash down on the right syllables to create the flow that is poetry.

Next, you need your sounds. Those can be scattered about the poem as pillars of flow OR they can be rhymes. Here you have rhymes, which makes things a bit easier but still delicate. Your rhymes are crashing point of that wave in musicality. So readers need to ride that wave and feel the crashing down upon those rhymes. If the ride teeters or has any hiccup before the rhymes, the readers tend to feel that. This poem has a few of those.

Third, you need to release all control. You're leading the dance, yes, but you yourself are not leading the dance. You have to give yourself to the poem and allow the poem to teach you the steps in order for you to teach the readers.

This poem has a great first couple of lines - untouchably great - the last stanza is pretty well-formed/executed. The rest has some iffy moments in flow and "bored" doesn't rhyme with "all" (and that's very noticeable on top of the wobbly flow of that line).

But play around with it. Give yourself to the poem, and let it tell you what it wants to do. If you try to control the flow, you end up with subpar work.

Good start!

[Esteban Morfín]

Thanks a lot! This is more than I bargained for!
I'll work on it.

[emipoemi]

You requested mentoral advice, and I'm giving the full package. Because it's a pleasure. Good luck

[Esteban Morfín]

I already have a new one for you :) I tried to take the musicality into account this time.

[Samuel Dickens]

I think it's a good thing that boredom visits you so rarely. When you have to deal with it often, you may have to take up a new hobby. (Not so bad?)

[light and ashes]

You're blessed then lol. I feel it often. I get lost in the pit and the pendulum of time, but then again maybe that's my fault.

[Esteban Morfín]

we never have all the fault, trying to take all the burden alone is giving ourselves too much importance.

[light and ashes]

Hmmm.. maybe you're right. Thank you for the thought.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like the near rhyme in spots...and actually like this poem overall...nothing that stands out in some way, and yet that fits the theme of boredom...it is like writing for a long time and falling into a pattern...then suddenly realizing the sameness...and being reminded of that feeling...then wanting to break out.
flashback to being a kid and never being entertained enough.
j.

[Esteban Morfín]

Thanks for your comment! I really appreciate that you take the time to read my work.

[Ana Papaya]

I liked the poem, a nice flow to it and captures a very human experience. Especially now. We want things to do then realize having nothing to do has its advantages.

[Esteban Morfín]

Can't agree with you more. Having nothing to do has given me more time to read and write, which I appreciate more than most things in life :)