A Seasonal Sonnet

A children's poem.

When Summer’s heat does sting like lemon drops,

And I can hear the calming brush of Rain

Upon my clear and blissful windowpane,

Rain tells the fever ev'rywhere to stop.

But who, I wonder, tells the frosty Clouds,

That it is time for lemon drops again,

The Sun would like to dance some now and then,

A wintr’y Spring could never be allowed?

 

He is the jolly Spring himself, of course,

Who tells the chilling Ice, “The answer’s no”.

“Come quickly or I’ll have to use some force.”

He says, “It’s finally time for you to go.”

And so, the season Spring does now enforce,

Of course, is Winter and his bitter Snow.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews would be greatly appreciated :)

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This is a fun bit of whimsy you've written here! And I like the fact that instead of being all clumped together as sonnets usually are, you've made two powerfully imagined stanzas. It reads well, the iambs hit the right notes, you've mixed in a bit of Shakespearean lingo with the "does" as modifiers, and the musicality is absolutely stupendous with strong imagery to match. And the "enforce/Of course" is pretty clever.....although, "enforce" may not mean what you want it to mean in this sentence....what you've said essentially in the final couplet is that Spring establishes Winter by force, when you really intend to mean Spring expels him or something of the like (....Spring could enforce natural law on "Winter and his bitter snow"....maybe you could play around with that since you're already personifying the seasons themselves). Apart from that one little detail, this is fantastic! Well done!

[Ethan]

Im sorry I missed this. Thank you very much for your wonderful review

[Anthony (aka Mr.e)]

I'm a sucker for nature poems, especially this one. Lyrical mastery...

[Alexzandera]

Well done! Personally, I have always found sonnets very difficult to write. I give you props for not only writing one, but writing a good one!

[Ethan]

Aw thanks a bunch

[A.K. Rohner]

Love how you capitalized Rain and some other everyday things, making them the characters of their own story, personifying them.

[Ethan]

Thank you!

[L.C. Jarrette]

this sonnet is so great! such eloquence from a young and very talented writer. i have said this before and i will say it again...i love yah bro! (i meant your work)...ahahaha!

[Ethan]

Hahahaha thanks a bunch :)

[Katseye]

I don't know That I have anything new to add that others haven't already said. I liked this piece a lot. Well written, and fun.

[duff]

Graced by a delicate hand. There are some beautiful lines here. That opening is a great way to kick it off. I'm enjoying your work. I'll be back for sure.

[Ethan]

Many thanks

[duff]

You got it

[barleygirl]

This isn't exactly the rhyme scheme that I'm used to when someone says "sonnet" . . . but it's close to the structure I would expect. Your rhyming is well-done, just not the same as what I'm used to. I pretty much hate sonnets that have that Elizabethan sound (even tho that's a big part of sonnet writing) . . . so I'm very glad to see that your sonnet is NOT written with that stilted language. It's a comfortable read, could be a childhood tale, but it's also plenty mature in ideas & observations.

[Ethan]

Thank you :) And really? I followed the sonnet's rhyming form. What rhyming style are you used to?

[barleygirl]

I thought it was supposed to be abab cdcd ee
. . . but there are often variations to every form!

[Ethan]

That would be something like a Shakespearean sonnet. This is the more common Petrarchan sonnet. But yes, and thanks for the review :)

[Chase Dylan]

You guys are super knowledgable about these fancy terms and meters... Aha... I am left in the dust when it comes to knowing the difference between it all... Mind=blown...

[barleygirl]

I used to crap my pants at the thought of trying to write a sonnet. I just tried my first one a year ago or so & I've been writing all my 61 years! *wink! wink!*

[Chase Dylan]

I greatly dislike confined spaces of writing format... So I share in that "Crapping of pants" feeling, haha...

[Ethan]

Hmm, I see the restriction as opportunity to master flow and word usage. Then when you return to free verse, you write in a more linear manner. At least that's what's happened for me

[Chase Dylan]

I think the very defintion of "free-verse" is to be non-linear with rhyming and meter... I could be wrong... I agree, however... On extending outside ones comfort zone by challenging your writing... That is something I strive to do with freestyle everyday... Careful to not get SO stuck up on format, though... What good would the word *free* in free-verse, be, if not for the freedom it means... Heh

[barleygirl]

I understand . . . one time I was criticized for using rhyme in a free form poem. I thought, what the hell? I thought I had "permission" to be free to do this however I want! *smile*

[Ethan]

You're correct silente. Free verse is defined as poetry having no rhyme or regular meter. However, all poetry has meter, whether the author pays attention to it or not, and though it is not required to remain consistent everywhere in the writing, it is still an integral part of free verse. When I say linear, I don't mean restrictive. I mean that I want to write with a one or two ideas that I expound upon in one crescendo and then conclude the poem. Building tension, so to speak. And to your last point, the "free" in free-verse still constricts. There is no real "free" verse, for when you write in that style you can't write with rhymes anywhere or a strict meter. Though that may be a positive for many people, it is still technically constrictive. You can't write "anything" you want. However, both of your free verse styles are already great, so much of this doesn't really apply. More just definitions and such.

[Ethan]

that's supposed to say "rhymes every where"

[Chase Dylan]

Lmao... Right... I thought free-verse just used to mean *write w/e the hell you want*... So I loaded it chock-full of rhymes... That was not approved of... Haha

[Ethan]

Hahahahaha, as long as you don't follow a strict AB form or something like that, it should still count as free verse. Like much of Plath's poem Daddy puts emphasis on the "oo" sound. But since she doesn't use that strictly, it still counts

[Chase Dylan]

Oh, well this is very detailed, Ethan... Glad to know I was right somewhere down the line... Attention to detailed definition is quite important... Thank you for clearing that up... I agree, in that... I just can not handle "NOT" rhyming... So "free" verse becomes rather... Not free. Which is why I support the bending of it to the whims of rhyme... Glad to see another soul standing up for the cause...!

[Ethan]

Haha absolutely! That was good, and your poetry's great

[Chase Dylan]

You always mention poems... You are are obviously a keen student of literature... I def' bow to your knowledge on the subject... I never know what to call anything, so best left to the educated, such as yourself...

[Chase Dylan]

Well thank you, my friend, I appreciate the appreciation of craft... Especially by Mr. Professor, which is what I might be calling you from now on... Aha...

[Ethan]

Thank you :) I'm sure I'm wrong on many things, however :P

[Chase Dylan]

Who cares, man... At least you stick up for what you think is right in an intelligent manner... That is something not seen often nowadays... Keep at it

[MaximumFlight]

Very emotional and descript. Great job.

[Ethan]

Thank you :)))

[Decidious wind]

Wow! Splendid! I love your use of extended metaphors of the heat being like an irritating lemon drop and how you continued to personify the sun. I guess thats what people often do when they write about spring. It comes naturally... spring is, by many people, imagined to be a young female. If you can i would suggest you read my story spring it is very similar to this piece but not as good ever.

[Ethan]

Nah I like yours better than mine :P But thanks as always :)

[Decidious wind]

Thanks :) agaaain!!

[Zephyr]

Lemon drops- Interesting Ethan:)
As always Great:)
Thanks for sharing!

[Ethan]

Well thank you for reviewing :)