A juxtaposed summer sun

sun and agony go hand in hand

                         

It's been a long,crucial period of standing still ,without flinching even an inch.

I was never so good at the law of being static or still.

The sun is burning with all its might and I am dying.

Dying slowly like an executioner chopping off my head with a horrible axe.

I love these executioners;they have a pair of mesmerising eyes hidden behind those grim,black masks.

I dreamt of looking into his eyes one day ;but the vision collapsed.

I am wearing the agony like the only cloth which has been frayed and teared apart

I have already ripped the soothing satin against my delicate skin.

I am immuned to my pain and compliments of the world which are a holy s**t in disguise

They say devil always comes in a disguise;yet he has his own charms.

The sun is over my head,but i can feel it on my face.

The making of valves is a dying art

I am a moribund basking in the abundant sunlight

Which follows me like a bunch of annoying paparazzi.

I can remember that tiny rabbit-hole where we used to make out

The hole which was a miniature,but sufficed in the process of making love.

Your fingers curled around the slimness of my waist

And played with my messy, mahogany hair.

If everything is finished so abruptly

What is my fault?

I never committed the blunder of creating such a bewitching hole,

Which would punch you and me in the face ultimately.

My sun is lost and hidden somewhere amidst those pitch-black clouds

The unilluminated atmosphere and sparks of desire have juxtaposed momentarily to provide me a sense of insubstantial reassurance.

Author's Note

thanks for reading

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

Agony can be personified as an entity in itself.. like you did not use 'the' before devil.. I will suggest removing the article there..
I would have written the 7th line so: I am wearing agony like the only clothES which HAVE been frayed and teared (torn) apart..

"Law of Being Static or Still" --> A standout theme therein itself! Do tell me if you do not use it :P

I loved how you used 'moribund'.. good stuff on that..

and I will commend you on the use of juxtapose.. I've not come across many who understand the term in its entirety.. it would have bugged me a lot if the use was not correct.

Of the several pieces I've read from you..this one I liked the best probably coz of the surrealist allusions which you also managed to pull off well.. This is a good write, much better than the earlier ones.. and the 2nd stanza stands out best. Reminded me of quotes I read from 'The Blind Owl' by Sadgeh Hedayat.
This one indeed reflects you worked on it from your heart..
pretty good, fattyc..

P.S.: EDIT!

[fattycbreezy52]

Omg! you are a true critic at heart.Amazing thing.
Surely edits are required .Thanks for pointing them out.The fact that you counted it as one of my best pieces is so pleasing. I really loved it.May be I have started to get the hang of it.Hope to please more in the future. Thanks for your review:)

[Tom McRoberts]

I really like some of the surrealist imagery in this, if I had any recommendations it'd be to push it a little further. For example, some of your adjectives could benefit being swapped for the less conventional ('drunken axe' instead of 'horrible axe', 'meowing paparazzi' etc.), doing such would play to the strengths you already have. The 'holy s**t in disguise' was perhaps my favourite piece of this poem. Great stuff, keep it up!

[fattycbreezy52]

wowww.That is a beneficial review Tom.Really love your choice of adjectives.Perhaps,next time I can incorporate them in other pieces :)haha thanks for reading and supporting.You are the best:)