Caesura

  

It is the smell of some foreign (French?) fragrance that really heightens my awareness of her.  And why would she wear such a lavish garment to such a mediocre occasion such as this? If it is not for attention, (a procession of the ‘spinning and tilting’ of heads with eyes fixed on the flowing of her blond-ish hair) then for what other purpose did she have as her intent? I would not dare to give in to her flaunting, pretentious swagger that others held in such high (pitiful) regard. The stare mounted on both male and female eyes as she floated across the dance floor, greeting others with a plastic smile that I know was feigned. How could others give in to this obvious hypocrisy? How can they stand there, abiding to her comments as though she mattered to everyone? She didn’t matter much to me.

 

 

"The course of true love never did run smooth."

Shakespeare

 

 

It was just a simple drag of the finger across my hand. Rubbed gently over the peaks of my knuckles. The feeling of her warmth and her tenderness caressing me. Heure Bleue I believe was the smell that brushed (daintily) across my nose.  This gala became alive and well as the joy and the festivity arrived just by her presence. Her platinum blonde hair reached down past the curve of her neck and her soft lips muttered ‘ hello’ (Love?). Never did a single word render me disabled as it did now. How did the fates allow such a succession of events to land God’s most irrefutable work appear here? Shall heaven ever receive notice of a lost Angel that has escaped from the gates of heaven and seek out to retrieve, shall be the day that I become a thief. Holding my heart for ransom as the eyes of a perfect maiden stand in a breaths distance.  

 

 

“What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson  

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[laceyjane23]

this is a great piece, once again you wrote a story that captures the audiences attention quickly!
good luck in my contest
laceyjane

[T.J. Timmins]

[It was the smell of some foreign (French?) fragrance that really heighten my awareness of her. ]
You start with 'It was', putting the sentence into past tense, but heighten is in present tense.

From this I get a good feel of perception. I get the idea that this is one event, and two separate people watching the same girl, and reacting differently. Even the writing style changes with the speaker, the second one being more poetic and flowery, much like one in love. The first giving a more blunt air, still good in it's own style and great because it sets the character firmly. It is very nice that most of the statements in the first half are actually questions, it gives a good sense of the speakers mentality.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

great story... i love the quote that you ended with - just fits so perfectly...

[Wildfleour]

This reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, only I like your version better, and I'm an English teacher, my friend! :)

[Christel Grady]

Love (infatuation) can alter any perception.

"Shall heaven ever receive notice of a lost Angel that has escaped from the gates of heaven and seek out to retrieve, shall be the day that I become a thief." ~ I love this phrase!

The language is truly compelling. I see the same woman, but in different places and times. I have to keep re-reading this piece. as I gain different perspectives everytime. Absolutely lovely work, Jason. Thank you.