~Disenchanted Sandcastles

Collaboration ~ Jack & Frieda

I averted my eyes so you would not see

the color of destiny fading to gray,

cobalt thunder bolts had dimmed

to a dingy shade of regrets

yesterday's fervor suspended mid flight

 

And I laughed, if not out of humor

but some odd sewn reason collecting

on the seams of my thoughts    

patterned after fracturing waves

finding their end on a zigzag shoreline

 

like driftwood washed upon the brink

our passion wave stood motionless

dulled beneath a brilliant sun 

blinded by halting dark clouds

 

digging in the sand, a shell held tightly

between shivering fingers, searching

for that which we had, moonlit sharing

reckless on flip flop hopes, and dance floor desires

 

quixotic footprints in the surf gave way

to dusty shadows upon broken sandcastles

flying kites were just an illusion

their flight plummeting into dark seas enveloping me

 

frantically reaching, nothing is found but salted air

an empty hand of slow motion wondering

scattering dreams like so many skipped stones

on blank surfaces, only to understand sinking ends the illusion

 

you held me in your sight one last time

guilt welled up dusky dreams in my tears

past written on elusive carbon copys 

of grievances that adulteraded my heart

  

on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights

 or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit

 alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days

 worn smooth of  memories, and as I know I am to blame

 a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her

Reviews

[s y e]

You two are my two favourite people on here! :) I love you both and when you do a collaboration it is utter perfection. You guys just seem to fit your work in all the right places. You both work so well with imagery and the emotion. This is really heart wrenching but an amazing write.

"on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights
or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit
alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days
worn smooth of memories, and as I know I am to blame
a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her"

This is an absolute tear-jerker but amazingly well written. I loved it all, it was so well structured.

My kiddiewinkles are all grown-up! (not sure why I said that but.... yeah)

[Frieda P]

Awh noodlebumble, you're too sweet hon, thanks muchly, and yeah, weird finish lol :-)

[s y e]

Haha, I'll take that out. :P

[shallimarRose]

wow... wanna try a threesome??


ok guys put your eyes back in your sockets I mean collaboration of poetic grammatical excellence. Jack and I and you and Jack work so flawlessly together I wonder if we could do a three way and anyone could have the slightest idea who did what... Just a thought. ;) Obviously I love this one.. Fantastic job. xo shallimarRose

[Frieda P]

Shaking my head here, you're such a tease! Never heard of a menage a' trois in poetry, thanks so much shallimar. ;-)

[shallimarRose]

So is that a no? lol

[Jack...]

Hey, I'm not that kind of guy. Not sure I could keep up anyway, hell I'm getting tired just writing this. Phew... Thanks so much sweet Rose.

[Frieda P]

Oh sheesh a sensitive poet, what next? What is there besides romance? ;-)

[shallimarRose]

it was just an offer... nothing like being turned down in public.. lol
was not going to be any bedside romance involved.. lmao

[Frieda P]

Well forget it altogether then! Lol

[shallimarRose]

lmao... I thought it might be fun to write about seasons or something... I was not asking Jack to be ""that kind of guy"" lol already forgotten. xo

[B-poet]

A great collab between the both of you. It's such a special art form when you have two distinctive talents yet when they become one, you end up with memorable brilliance. Great work. A compelling write & read. :)

[Frieda P]

Thanks for this glowing review Bpoet, jazzed you liked our collab. :-)

[Jack...]

Thank you so very much much. Your wonderful words have thrilled me this day.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

What a great collaboration! Two of my favorite writers, and this was a great piece of work. You both work so well with imagery and emotion, and for me, that is what really makes this one stand out above some of the other collaborations I have seen. Well done!

[Frieda P]

Awh, you're much too kind my friend, thanks so much, it was a joy working with Jack.

[Jack...]

Wow, such kind words from one of my favorite poets. Thank you so much Sarah. Frieda is amazing and I am the fortunate one here.

[Dr. Wood ?]

well you two are clearly joined at the NIB

[Frieda P]

Hahaha good one David, muchly appreciated. ;-)

[Jack...]

Where exactly is the NIB? (I hope it's someplace fun) :) Thanks so much Doc.

[lee von cleef]

what a photo album, stereo two lenses ,pegging out the emotions to tan , moonlight,skin tight for the scraping ,salt spray ,and the mist of mourning dew , welcoming the dawn singed skyline.

[Frieda P]

Your scattered reviews always bring a huge smile to my face lee...thanks so much!

[lee von cleef]

Scattered, smothered, covered, Just like Waffle House.....

[Frieda P]

Smiling, see what I mean? ;-) Now you've made my stomach gurgle too....

[lee von cleef]

Rumble listen closer .....

[Frieda P]

listening, still hungry. ;-)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

The harshness of reality often breaks the mirror of dreams, but who gets stuck with the seven years bad luck? The person who's mirror was broken.

You two really came up with a heart wrenching read but well crafted.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Dale, give that guy the mirror please....glad you enjoyed this one.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Sir. I broke my mirror 7 1/2 years ago, which should be obvious as my luck has definitely changed...I get to write with Frieda now. If that's not good luck, I don't know what is.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are both welcome.

[David Scott]

I think the part of this poem that grabbed my heart the strongest was , "I know I am to blame".
Honestly I'm not sure we can assign blame just yet. Maybe God will settle this question at the end of days... It is a sad feeling to have.
I liked the collaboration. Your voices bled together well in the melody of the written word.

[Frieda P]

Oh you're wrong there David, it was definitely 'his' fault. ;-) Thanks for the insightful review, muchly appreciated my friend.

[David Scott]

I was being metaphorical, not literal. I understand. A lovely collaboration.

[Frieda P]

I was being literal, and sheesh, who pissed in your cheerios? ;-)

[Jack...]

Thanks so much David. I appreciate the stand up there (I'll send you the cash in the mail)

[Baby Ricochet]

The last stanza's a real tear jerker. Great work kids

[Frieda P]

That's Jack, he really knows how to pull the emotions out of a piece, thanks Mark & kids...ha.

[Jack...]

Hey Frieda, BR called us kids again!!! I love you man. Thanks for your kind words my friend. Especially the "kids" part.

[Frieda P]

I promised him your next paycheck Jack. ;-)

[Jack...]

It would cost more to mail it than it is worth.

[redflutterby]

Truly amazing write...from two of the most talented poets here. Sadness and pain seem to be a common bond that allows you both to create such beautiful " music" together. Your styles while different...compliment so well. Perfect collaboration...

[Frieda P]

Thanks Red, I'm sadness, he's a pain. ;-) Kidding, love working with Jack, thanks muchly!

[Emerald Seas]

Well... two peas in a pod!

You two do work wonders together on a poem. I think you should publish together - what a vast array of quality poetry you both have to offer. Coming together for a published collection just seems like the right thing to do in my book! :)
Wonderfully crafted!

[Frieda P]

Ha the second person to call us peas :-) Thanks Sera, you humble and I know Jack will be estactic when he reads this too.