I Hold My Breath

~A mother's plea~

You drag us all through bloody hell

black tar's needle zaps your resolve

pricks us all in its firm intentions

tarnishing all hopes and dreams

there once a little boy, wide-eyed

ready to take on the universe

world dissolved in that first attempt 

took flight over worrisome realities

plummeted depths in a flash

rapid fall into 

abysmal

 bleakness 

weaken monkey's shadow manic unrest

 fixation crushes gray matter's cover

how far down does hell darkly reach

before it's reduced to instant last call

I cannot breathe through your smoky vapors

crash & burn the cruelest of options

nature's nurture versus alchemy's warfare

a million tears can't extinguish the fires

these mother's eyes can't watch you implode,

after I safely carried you, gave you first breath 

Author's Note

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

When I read my RRs I try to start from the bottom (oldest) and work my way up the list, but I saw the comment for this one and I knew I had to make an exception here...being male, I will never truly understand the psyches of motherhood, but you've brought me as close as I could ever hope to get here...it's impossible to overlook this mixing bowl of frustration, concern, care and remembrance...and that song...this is one of the best you've done dear friend...you're already aware of the worry and concern I carry around for both of you, so I won't get too emphatic about that here, but you know...xo

[Frieda P]

Wondering why I can't respond to your review then realized it's featured, thanks so much for your kind words Steve, you're always a constant comfort and a good friend. xo

[kublakhan27]

As I always say, you know I'm glad to help in any little way I can...and you know those feelings are mutual :) xo

[Frieda P]

Okay good, I just bought him a ticket for Nova Scotia, he'll love your record collection ;-P xo

[kublakhan27]

Hahaha right on, just let him know they're not for sale ;P xo

[Tate Morgan]

Hi Frieda You dont get much sleep lately do you? I can relate I like the new avatar.

[Frieda P]

You know I don't, I know, and thanks Tate.

[Tate Morgan]

Yep Well we share insomnia

[KAOlmsted]

First...I hate that this is probably my all time favorite Neil Young song...but...I've loved it since, like, 1982 (I was 12 the first time I heard it...and loved it) so...I dunno...it's late and I'm trying not to feel what I am supposed to feel when I read this poem. But, naturally, I do feel it because it is so powerfully written...and the subject puts a lump in my throat. I know, behind the scenes you and I joke, and I am so positively kimmer, but Frieda, my dearest Frieda...I pray daily for him. And for you. I love you. xoxo

[Frieda P]

Sheesh sorry I ruined it for you the kimmer, thanks for your sweet suppoort always my friend xox

[KAOlmsted]

Always...and no worries ;-)

[wordwarrior]

It's ever so sad when we see our children taking wrong turns in life and no amount of telling them helps, it just seems to alienate them further.
Hope that we have reared them with a sense of social justice and positive values, that will rear their heads eventually.
Still it breaks your heart in the meantime.
A poem filled with sadness and some anger(not so much at the child, but the circumstances that leads them there)
Thank you for sharing such a personal poem

[Frieda P]

Thank you for your kind words wordwarrior, one can only hope...

[Emerald Seas]

This is heart wrenching, Frieda. We, moms, want to protect our children from all harm, shield them from pain, protect them - even from themselves. Their pain becomes our pain and torment too. Yet, we know loving them also means we cannot do it for them. We must give tough love during some of their struggles. It rips us apart, inside and out. I felt all of this in this difficult, gut tugging read.

[Frieda P]

Thank you Sirrah, after all I've been endured, seeing my son go through this self-inflicted torment has to be the absolute worst...

[Emerald Seas]

I can't imagine! I admit sending my son off to college - I worried about everything, wondering what he might get into, be given, etc. he's still hurting a bit from his breakup (jeez, he is like his mom, has a hard time letting go) so of course, I worry. But to really be going through it, I haven't a clue. Wish I could help ease your burden, my friend!

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Sirrah, you just never imagine something like this could happen to your own kids...

[Rita L. Sev]

Frieda, this poem wrenches the heart, and shows the depth of a mother's love. I cannot imagine the struggle you are going through, but your poem makes me appreciate my own mother and her sacrifices...

Sending hugs and prayers your way...

[Frieda P]

Much appreciate your prayers and thoughts here Rita, thank you my friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is heart wrenching..oh but if only that little boy with the wide eyes could still be somewhere within that body of the person who has lost his way now...if only...a mother can only hope.

[Frieda P]

Thank you jacob.

[Sami Khalil]

The tears roll among the smoke and the smoke wafts from the fire of addiction and a mother's heart is rendered in ashes of agony over her precious gift . I pray that God will change minds and hearts of those suffering under the chemical addictions for it is possible. Be strong and may God ease this great suffering...

[Frieda P]

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts here Sami, muchly appreciated...

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Angi]

Oh Frieda. These words rip and tear at the guts. I cannot imagine how badly it hurts to see your baby in addictions grasp. I cannot. There are no words I can say, either. xoxox Angi~

[Frieda P]

Thank you Angi, and they definitely still are our 'babies', no matter how old they get....xo

[Angi]

They sure are. Keep upright, Frieda. There's lots of arms and shoulders to lean on here.

[Frieda P]

Thanks again Angi, the support is a welcome treasure at this time...

[ANTO]

The needle tears a hole in the fabric of the family and of your heart Frieda. God bless you all.
X

[Frieda P]

Yes it does exactly Anthony, thanks so much....

[ANTO]

Can I just say that the song you chose is one one my favorites of my entire time on this planet. Bittersweet ...
X

[Frieda P]

I always liked it too, just never thought it would pertain to my life, thanks again hon xo

[Pryde Foltz]

Having a little boy myself I totally get where you are coming from. We love our children so. My son is three and the other day he ate a flower from the garden and after searching the web to see if it was poisonous and finding nothing. You know what I did, without even thinking about it, I ate one too. That way if I started getting sick I would know he needed help. No one else on this planet I would do that for, no one. Strange the level of love we have for our children. If you are living this piece my heart goes out to you.

[ANTO]

That is an amazingly instinctive thing to do Pryde - I was going to say Kudos but that seems flippant in what Im trying to convey

[Pryde Foltz]

Thank you, ANTO.

[Frieda P]

I so get it Pryde, there's nothing we wouldn't do for our kids, what they say is true though, big kids, big problems, enjoy his innocence whilst you can my friend....

[Pryde Foltz]

I know, I know.