PROLOGUE

Confusion and chaos hold our dear character captive

Prologue

I was lying on a field of grass. Nothing seemed to make sense, as another flurry of confusion swept over me. There was nothing to acknowledge. Nothing to deny - or accept for that matter. I was alone. And alone I would forever be.

A feeling of sadness and grief took hold of my body, and as I slowly turned my head, I grasped for the last bits of the world I could cherish.

Flowers of numerous colours covered the expanse of the meadow, the last of my companions. Clouds clung onto the tips of the earth, as if it would guarantee their stay. Each wisp of rather dark cotton candy held a dreariness, as if they knew the sadness of the world. But they would be spared, as the clouds would eventually float upwards and away - whether or not into the blankness of space.

I was covered in a blanket of misery.

What was to become of me? The idea that something could still destroy and crush more, perplexed myself. Who would want to mix with me? If someone did choose to, that would be something of a miracle.

And I was dying. So a miracle really was needed, although at this moment I was in no place to accept life again.

No amount of happiness or acceptance could clear myself of my wrongs. No matter what others said or did, I would still hold a coldness in my heart, a hole that was unable to be filled.

And as I slowly began to fade, a realization hit me. Before it was too late, I hurriedly ripped some cloth from my shirt, and scribbled onto it with a pen from my Jeans’ back pocket.

Groaning with pain, I pulled myself into a sitting position. The tree I was leaning on held a hidden crevasse near the roots, and I hurriedly shoved the letter inside - making sure it was well concealed beneath twigs and weeds.

A weight seemed to be lifted off of my shoulders, and I closed my eyes. Ever so slowly, I began to fall into a deep sleep, and I was gone.

Author's Note

What do you think?

Interesting or boring? Riveting or dreary? Full of mystery or an obvious outcome?

[Reviews are very much appreciated! They will "be returned" to you in the way of a review from myself on one of your written pieces :)]

Reviews

[D]

No obvious outcome. And I'm almost 100% certain the character didn't die, since... Well it's only the beginning of the book, and we're talking about the ionly character there is. As for mysterious...On some level, yes. I'm curious about what were those big mistakes, and how on earth did they get to take a life...or at least try to.

I like your description, it's poetic, beautiful, and I just love it, but if this will be a long story, I'd try keeping it a little simpler. just my two cents.
a very good start, and I'm eager to read more...So that'd be all of my babbling ...lol. Full rating and a place in my favorites.

[goddessofwriting]

Thanks! I appreciate all feedback I receive from other fellow writers. Is there any specific story/poem etc that you would like me to review? As I mentioned in my profile, I return the favor of a review by giving them one back ;)

Have an amazinggg day!

[Chain of Hearts]

From what I've read so far, I think this will make a great story. Cannot wait to read more!

[goddessofwriting]

Glad you enjoyed it so far!

[Stanley R. Teater]

I found your prologue interesting. It left me hungry for more. How can a first-person story begin in death? What comes after that? A ghost? Did the character not really die? Can't wait to find out.

[goddessofwriting]

Thanks for your review! Definitely encouraged me. Looking forward to sharing the next part with you as well :)

Have a great day!

G.W.

P.S. Will make sure to review one of your writing pieces too :D

[alanwgraham]

Your piece is good in that it finishes with a question - where is this book going to lead? Your only character so far is dying so will we be led back to discover what led to this sad situation. Your question, 'What was to become of me?' is a bit puzzling because he/she then says she is dying. I'm a bit puzzled about the letter too - if it is well hidden who will discover it?
I will look forward to your next instalment. My own experience with short stories is that it is hard work making everything hang together. Getting feedback from others is invaluable as you are too close to the writing yourself.
Regards, Alan If you have some time you might like to read my short story 'The Nemesis within'

[goddessofwriting]

Thank you for your review! I do indeed appreciate each and every piece of feedback a reader gives me, however :)

I will most definitely check your short story out! I have a great liking towards short stories, as it is just amazing how one can create characters and feelings within a small amount of pages - and time for that matter. May you have a great day.

G.W.

[Schatzi]

Hello goddessofwriting,

As I read the prologue, it made me feel so lonely. It was interesting and did intrigue me. I am curious about your choice of wording in the last sentence of the first paragraph: And alone I would ever be. Would ever be? Ever does not seem to be the correct word here. For me, forever would be a better choice because it sounds more poetic. And alone I would forever be. And alone I would ever be. And alone I would forever be. Yes, forever sounds better here. The only other suggestion I have is to better define your paragraphs. The way you have it now it seems so crowded. Other than that, great job!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[goddessofwriting]

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to review.

Yes, I will definitely fix that, as my key goal for this piece was to make it as poetic and smooth as possible. Didn't realize the awkwardness of that sentence until now! Thank you for pointing that out. I will also continue editing my paragraphs - the whole piece for that matter - as I am pretty sure I am not satisfied with it yet.

Thanks for the feedback! May you have a great day! :)

[Schatzi]

Ah, the writer's curse: endless editing. :)

[goddessofwriting]

lol no kidding :D

[Lord of mad men]

It is nice it not boring it made me feel alone but I like being alone some times. It is wonderful.I like how you used some deep word instead on beingredients plain and using simple word that don't suit the mood.wonderful job.I like how some one said could sill see the world for what it is and is not. See the colors and more. Keep up the great job.

[goddessofwriting]

Thanks for your review! I was not even sure what I was doing - or creating as I wrote this. And now, I guess it's my turn to interpret of what this is to become aha.

Again, thanks for taking the time to give some feedback! I will for sure check out your writing also. Have an amazing day! :)

[Poopewpachoo]

The choice of words that you used to create the scenery made me feel the sense of loneliness and helplessness of the character. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable because of how colorful and lively the world around the character seemed to be, but how dark and suffocating he/she was on the inside.

I do like the sense of mystery that you portrayed by not only the letter/note that he/she writes at the end, but where he/she is and what exactly happened to him/her... why is death knocking on his/her door and why is he/she utterly alone? Those were the questions that I caught myself asking as I was reading. If that was your goal, then you achieved it through at least one reader.

Overall, I think it's a pretty good prologue full of questions that would probably make me want to keep reading to answer.

[goddessofwriting]

Thank you so much for your review! I will definitely fix the area's that were a little too 'full of joy', to make the feeling of this piece a little clearer.

Those are the exact questions I was striving for the reader to ask; I find it quite remarkable that I was able to succeed in that. Honestly, I had no goal in mind, just that I should write - although my motives (to myself) were unclear.

Thanks again! I will definitely check out your work :)

[Poopewpachoo]

Oh, it was my pleasure!

Honestly, if you were to leave those "full of joy" moments in there, it would be fine. When I said I felt uncomfortable with it, I meant more on "Why is the world still so colorful and living on while this character is in agonizing loneliness?" If that makes sense...

I love a good mystery, so I tend to ask a lot of questions while reading. You should be proud that your writing managed to get the exact questions you wanted out of me :) That's quite difficult for a writer to do sometimes.

Let me know if you add any chapters and I'll be more than happy to check them out. As I stated in my mini review, it filled me with enough questions to want to continue reading!

Oh, and that would be wonderful if you could :) Thank you!

[goddessofwriting]

Yes, I see your motives now as I read it over. Whoops, my bad! There are so many ways to interpret just one small phrase aha. Thank you so much for your review!

May you have an amazing day! :D

[Poopewpachoo]

It's no problem at all! That's the beauty of writing: a single phrase could mean a hundred different things depending on who reads it.

Thank you; may you have an amazing day, as well :)