31.Alarm clock

Poem n video by pal. Talking to each one; Knew what went wrong;Intentions laudable; Not their thoughtlessness; Both daughters mumbled same; Thinking of u would be late; Set alarm earlier 1/2 each; Wife did rest by 1 hour.

 

Alarm clock

 

Wanted to hit bed early

Set clock alarm 4 am

Train scheduled at 5

Had work, next town

 

Alarm struck

Oh!! I don’t like

No way! Had to leave

Can’t afford train missed

 

Didn’t like disturb

Others from sleep

Stealthily walked out

Lucky, had taxi waiting

 

Ah! I was at station

Thank God! Well in time

But something wrong

Why all looked empty

 

Glancing at my watch

I was dumbstruck

Clock needles

Showing time 2.30

 

What went wrong!

Didn’t clock strike right!!

Hadn’t I set alarm right!

Doesn’t clock work fine!!

 

It was agony wait

Mind uneasy

Ah! Train was on time

Hoped, success day ahead

 

Almost I had forgotten

My morning misery

Nearing home, thoughts linger

What went wrong!

 

Talking to each one

Knew what went wrong

Intentions laudable

Not their thoughtlessness

 

Both daughters mumbled same

Thinking of u would be late

Set alarm earlier 1/2 each

Wife did rest by 1 hour

 

I was yelling n furious

Then went cool, smile

Each cared me a lot

Wanted me not run late

 

They wanted me winner

Not a loser, cared me more

Does it matter!

I had to suffer some

 

Life in a family

A blessing many a treasure

So much fun and life

Sharing of pleasure n pains

 

Pal

Poem n video by pal

26.Alarm clock

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuRwJb2e9dA

 

Poem by pal.Translation n video by Marina, Russia

69.Alarm clock (Будильник) in Ruski

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlP46Nyy4b8

 

Author's Note

A good poet, need to be great human to accept critics without being critical. Thats what i wish to be.

Reviews

[Sarah]

This is a cute poem and a fun concept to write about. I enjoyed the sort of ungraceful way that it was written - because that's how our thoughts are in the morning. They hardly make any sense at all.^^ The fact that this poem was written in such a way only further brings out the chaos in the narrator's mind as they rush to get ready and eventually realize what their family has done. Great job. (:

[Greg the Bard]

The flow is hard to follow unless you read the work very slowly. I have had the same type of days that you present in the write and it is fun to read the out take. I likesd it but I had to read it a couple of times to get the flow right . Good job

[George Love]

A fun write, nicely done. It seemed to jump a bit, but well done.

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

haha - there are many mornings i hate to hear the sound of the alarm clock going off - but much like this piece i manage to get out of bed and moving so i am not late... great piece - enjoyed the ending

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Sometimes even the best intentions can come unstuck. At least they all tried to help; it certainly better then being ignored!

Great fun write!

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[Legion]

LOL Good thing they aren't doing that so you won't be late for your own funeral. :) I liked it. Good story.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This sounds more like story told over a bad cell phone connection than a poem, it breaks, picks up, leaves off and cuts back in, all this halting and lurching mixed with the minimal usage of verb helpers gives me vertigo, this line for example gave me pause, "thinking of you would be late" the "of" doesn't want to be there like the train that isn't on schedule. I think this could use some better flow in the piece.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is really very thoughtful and it gives us a very deep thinking after it's read..
And the best thing about it...that it's very heartfelt..
Great work and yeah! The video is just awesome :)

[Brette Medb]

Life speeds by too fast too often because we get caught up in all the incosequential bs and don't pay attention to what really matters. There was a lot of good thoughts and feelings in this but the way the wording was really choppy at times halted the flow for me and it felt a bit too removed from the person. Other than that nice work.


Brette

[RHEA CROSLEY]

So true a family has painful remedies at times. However, brings life love and blessing worth more then all its pain. Thank you.

[wizthom]

life is not time.time is not life what went wrong with this write ,
it jumped back and forth life time,time life,
which made it hard to read read jumpy feeling in flow never caught up,tho i got what you were conveying ,
confusion amiss lost time, wonders and whys, as well as the answers ,
but they just didn't come together in harmony,,they were more like strangers lost in thought on a train ride home..peace my friend wizthom