Ours

Ours

A Poem by Muse

 

 

                                    Staying submerged felt

                           endless...

                                    boundless...

 

but one can only hold their breath for so long

               before our lungs require us to resurface

                             I was trying to remember when

             .....................

 

              "when" our imperfections

      became their beauty mark

                                 and the mercury in their blood           

                                   became our electrolyte

 

       they said that we can be like airplanes

                              and fly high above the freak show

         but little did any of us know

                               

                  the red tide had grown too high                      

                            swallowing up our dignity and pride                             

          forcing us instead

                             to travel by land

                sadly...

                 we failed to rescue one of our own

                 our yellow submarine

             

                              could not save the canary

                  perhaps...

 

              the drowning was necessary.

 

© 2017 Muse


Author's Note

Muse
 photo tumblr_mj573p8bRD1r4zr2vo1_500_zps2eb31ac9.gif



There has been a lot of fighting recently on the cafe. Writers in this place seem to be so deep in water..they are oblivious to how they treat one another...oblivious to how certain actions and words can pull another writer down, hence "the canary" representing the few writers that are trying to fly high above the chaos, and remain "creatively free"...but harsh words and criticism are weighing these writers down. "The drowning was necessary" a metaphor to represent the writers who try and stay afloat "by elimating the competion"


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the waters can me such a beautiful place but yet can be a place of horror....I love this. I did not realize people did not get along on here and fighting. ugh... I sure hope I don t encounter that, because I am here purely for the craft of writing, to get improve myself and be of help to others...honestly.. and I don't want to have all the drama...ugh.. you are a wonderful poet Muse and thanks for interacting with me.

Posted 6 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I liked your descriptions, and the depth interlaced throughout the poem, as well as how you patterned the words (though I wondered why the top three lines were left-justified...I'm kinda slow, so I mighta missed something). "mercury in their blood....electrolytes" was a really nice line. "I was trying to remember when..when" the repitition of the word "when" doesn't sound right on the first read through, but the second read through I gave a pause before the second when and it sounded fine. Maybe put some sort of grammatical indication of pause, since a line break didn't indicate a pause there, at least for me. Great poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

thank you James for that constructive review...I will look for another way to get the reader to paus.. read more
Thats a beautiful composition...you are an amazing writer :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

thank you
Makes me think of how we are always being told how we should do things by the media, religion and so called society. They all think they know best for everyone when we are all individuals and therefore all have different ways.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

We all believe we know best...and that's when "one of OUR own" gets left behind. Despite our good in.. read more
The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)

7 Years Ago

Good point.
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.
~ wow... what a beautiful piece of poetry... heart and soul... ~ the closing is unbelievably profound... maybe we have to be "submerged" for a bit before we re-emerge... 'tis the most beautiful lesson that one can derive from adversity... (just my thoughts)...

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

some of us don't survive the baptism....
.

7 Years Ago

~ true that... i survived all kinds of abuse... but a friend of mine couldn't survive abuse at the w.. read more
You threw in some kick a*s, unpredictable rhymes. Love the theme; really spoke to me and I need that.

"I was trying to remember when
'when' our imperfections
became their beauty mark
and the mercury in their blood
became our electrolyte..."

Those lines rock, also:)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

thank you Pat, it always makes me smile when you pay me a visit. xo
The Analog Kid

7 Years Ago

Sure, Beth. Always a pleasure:)
In a canvas as large as the world a person may be forgiven for losing a canary. However that same canvas of life informs us that life regenerates itself even after death. Perhaps it is trying to tell us that it is not one thing but everything put together that matters. A poem that echoes like the sound of whales in the ocean.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

thank you...voices of thousands echo...we are many, yet there is always "one" that gets left behind.
For me it's more then a surrender..it's like an observation so deeply lived in a place that is no longer comfortable... In the drowning, all things feel new to me. Cleansing body, mind and soul..xo :) but that's just me and how I see it:) xo

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Muse

7 Years Ago

I wanted to paint an oxy moron...trying to save a canary with a submarine. Our intentions are always.. read more
Lily Mae

7 Years Ago

So true.. no matter how hard you try ...it just is what it is...outside of the control.. :)
i really like "when our imperfections became their beauty mark"

we could not save one of our own...universal... i think of the american arrested in north korea who could face the death penalty...in that country, not much chance he will survive..
the canary must die to save the rest?

the canary part of this reminded me of susan glaspell's Trifles...that poor bird with the broken neck...i think Mrs. Wright killed it herself because she couldn't stand hearing it do what she could no longer do.

sometimes i think killing is done out of resentment and jealousy...we kill happy lives just because we can't find that which they have.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Muse

7 Years Ago

yes Amen to that Jacob, your thoughts are always thoughts to ponder over deeply. Thank you for shari.. read more

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Added on April 28, 2013
Last Updated on June 21, 2017

Author

Muse
Muse

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