Old

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He watches

through a pane

of dirty glass

like you and I

he's had a future

he's had a past

time for him

is almost spent

calloused hands 

like old cement

delicate fallibility 

impales his skin

ghost like stupor

invested in silence

quiet and guarded

bearded with thoughts

secrets antiqued within

waiting patiently now

for his hour to come

visual modality blurred

hearing obscured

deliberate and unmeasured

this process of decay

frail like lead paint

 

                    slowly peeling,

 

                                    chipping away................

 

 

Reviews

[EMF]

An incredible piece. Compelling. You have created a perfect character study in just a few lines. The depth of insight, coupled with a love of your subject matter generate a power and intensity, while you also imbed a tendrness and understanding that is incomparible. Class work Lady. Nice to get the time to read and reread. You have left me images that will be a long time peeling.

[Pendantry]

I see the man you describe within, gazing out at what might have been. One merges with the other; you smoothly encapsulate the man and his containment.

[Arthur Henn]

quiet and guarded
bearded with thoughts
secrets antiqued within
waiting patiently now
for his hour to come

Outstanding - These five lines - The whole of the poem - Amazing...

[The Analog Kid]

I am thinking about all the wisdom that will die with this man. Also, a compelling picture. The white hair and beard make his decay seem more spiritual.

[Mary Fioratti]

So deep and true your poem. I used to volunteer in a Nursery Home years ago. And I saw so many "chipping away"... At that time, I knew another side of life = de death so close to them. It is really a painful job...
So beautiful the way you described "time for him is almost spent"... how sad is to feel that our time one day will be like that...
((((hugs)))
*Mary*

[Art]

chipping away...at times it seems like we are chipping away at time...nice work on this poem ...

[Ruth]

A beautiful poem! Absolutely wonderful, the graces lost and the future/past all in decline, this really moved me love, elegantly versed and so powerfully moving! xoxo

[GummyBear]

This is a very beautiful poem and the metaphor at the end is absolutly brillant.

[Emily B]

this is beautiful

[Dahlia Phoenix]

A beautiful poem indeed. We are just like the old man and we are destined to grow old; withering ourselves away into the reality that we won't live forever. An intriguing poem but I like it for its comparison to life and how it will end.