Old

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He watches

through a pane

of dirty glass

like you and I

he's had a future

he's had a past

time for him

is almost spent

calloused hands 

like old cement

delicate fallibility 

impales his skin

ghost like stupor

invested in silence

quiet and guarded

bearded with thoughts

secrets antiqued within

waiting patiently now

for his hour to come

visual modality blurred

hearing obscured

deliberate and unmeasured

this process of decay

frail like lead paint

 

                    slowly peeling,

 

                                    chipping away................

 

 

Reviews

[EMF]

An incredible piece. Compelling. You have created a perfect character study in just a few lines. The depth of insight, coupled with a love of your subject matter generate a power and intensity, while you also imbed a tendrness and understanding that is incomparible. Class work Lady. Nice to get the time to read and reread. You have left me images that will be a long time peeling.

To me, it's a beautiful poem about a man of old age awaiting death to take him. I absolutely also love the comparison of the man to a house which is slowly being eroded by time and nature's natural scorn. It's wonderful and the rhythm is paced throughout. I've definitely enjoyed this one. Wish I could give you constructive critiques, but for this one it's definitely not needed. Overall: 100/100, great work ^_^ awesome to the fullest extent.

[An owl on the moon]

You take a scene.. a moment.. and you fill it with a vast sum of history and emotion... You tie us all to him, and root us deep within ourselves as well. Truly a powerful insight into existence.

[Kyle]

This is powerful, skillfully done, and a bit mesmerizing.....

[Crow]

A superb piece, such poetic reverence to the act of growing old. I love how you describe, project the imagery of a fate in which we are all doomed to partake.

[Inyourshadow]

I love the metaphor at the ending especially as lead paint weakened the minds of paupers and kings and also because of the way it was used to express ageing. This is too some a dark piece to others a reality and to those of us in the middle food for thought for coming winters. This is beautiful, good luck in contest and keep em' coming

[Becky C Strukamp]

WOW, this blew me away, most excellent poem. Your interpretation of aging is amazing.

[Katie Thew]

Visually stunning!! Pensive and genuine. I really enjoyed standing with him nearer to the end.

[InkSlinger]

Another BRILLIANT piece of work!! So much said in so few words...

[LeaflessTree]

Woah.

[Maryum Mazhar]

Impressive :D

Kinda depressing, but that's what makes it so great ; the eeriness