Drowning

Sometimes it's just how life feels.

drowning

in this life i live.

i struggle to keep

my head above

all the work,

fun, and expectations.

i'm growing

weak

and stronger

as i continue

to paddle and kick

pushing harder

and harder

for the air

i need.

every breath i take

effort and pain

leave.

choking,

on breath too soon,

panic,

asphyxiation,

I push for the surface.

I reach

for the hand

that I know is not there.

tormented

by every breath

I cough

taking another

breath of life.

I look up

the turbulence

is peaceful,

as I descend

further.

further.

into the darkness.

Author's Note

I tried to write it as if the speaker where struggling to stay afloat in water. Did I do this effectively?

Reviews

[Deuces]

Dude... this is how I feel on a daily basis! You've conveyed what I feel many of us struggle with, day in and day out. The asphyxiation of duties and what is necessary opposed to who we really are and what we REALLY want to do. This was awesomely penned and will be added to favorites. Please send more of your work, Sir!

[Harrisen Viator]

Thank you Cyntax,
I tried to convey my emotions as best as I could and although I am not happy to say that people can relate to it, I'm glad that I was able to write something that would affect others.
-Harrisen

[TLK]

Awesome review, Cyn. I'll be checking out your work based on the fact you're such a responsive reviewer.

[Deuces]

Thanks TLK! I'll be checking out your work as well.

[TLK]

The turning point of the poem presented itself to me as "weak / and stronger". This is because you contain a lot of implied complexity in the seemingly paradoxical reversal.

I can't help imagining a 'mirrored' structure where you say the same thing twice, but once say it is making you stronger/weaker, and the other time weaker/stronger.

[Harrisen Viator]

I'm glad that you see that! I was writing it that way, because honestly the stuff you go through in life has a way of making you grow from your experiences, but also it can make you feel weary and tired from the constant stresses of life.
Thanks for the review!
-Harrisen

[Just Kim]

I found this deeply profound, Love it : )

[Harrisen Viator]

Thank you! :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
-Harrisen

[Just Kim]

not a problem

[Rivaxorus]

It definitely sounds like someone who has been hit hard by the blows of another in their life. That they have decided to fall back into the shadows and not speak to someone again because they think the hope of being saved is no longer there. Really life is a swim in the water and we all struggle to stay afloat, and sometimes we forget that there can be other fish in the ocean that are there to help us learn to push through the currents.

[Harrisen Viator]

Thank you for the review!
And yeah that's very true, many people struggle with life and what is sad is that many choose to give up, and I'm glad that you were able to understand what I was trying to say in my poem.
-Harrisen

[Anne van der Heijden]

amazingly written

[Harrisen Viator]

Thank you Anne, that means a lot!
-Harrisen