10 months (01/30/09)

moving forward

It's been ten months now since Jesse died and I realize now I've been marking time now by that date. My life reached one of those major moments where I look back and see life with Jesse and life after Jesse. I've marked each month that way; one down, two down, three down...almost a year. Almost a year and I'm still wondering what is actually supposed to happen after that.

I wonder if I'm handling it the way I should. I'm wondering if my son is handling it the way he should. And I'm wondering if there is really a way to handle it at all.

I've had brochures and newsletters and books handed to me on what to expect and how to grieve and how to help others grieve. And I think maybe all of that info doesn't help at all. Because it makes you feel like you have to have certain emotions at certain times and if you're not on the "cycle of grief" then somehow you're not doing it right. Not doing it right? I didn't know there was a correct way to grieve in the first place.

So, I've decided that we are doing it our way and that is working for us because we are living and laughing and making the most of our time spent together. And we're remembering Jesse. We remember him in our prayers every night, we talk about the things we used to do together and the things we laughed at together. We talk about how proud he would have been to be there to watch my son when he starts little league in March. And then we make plans for the future.

So life has still been going on and we're going right along with it. Pretty beat up still but ready to live every moment of it.

Reviews

[fireblossom]

This is a meaningful glimpse into the process of loss and grief. Writing should always be honest. If it is it has power. This piece has a real human voice. It is told from a broken mending heart and I felt privileged to read it.

Thank you. And keep healing.