Leave Me In Anonymity

Pour me into the river so I might partake in its fury
as it rises above its banks and taunts the anxious
as they await with their paltry bags of sand

Slide me into the volcano as my core melts even
the hardiest of stone so that I might flow upon
the blue planet in a chariot of orange flames

Auger me down into the center of the earth
so I might finally warm my weary limbs
in natures womb.

Peel me from the sky and let me float
into curved valleys and lie
in the coolness of their insteps.

Dip me into the North Sea so that I can
skip along the dangers of its whitecaps as
I attempt to numb myself in its unforgiving depths.

Bury me in the rich sod and leave
me there in anonymity for it was in
life that I was wont to leave my mark.

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

Your title already spoke so much to me, it has a certain strength, then your words, here, fly dear woman... they fly. Your love for writing and things in life shines so brightly here. " Slide me into the volcano as my core melts even the hardiest of stone so that might flow upon the blue planet in a chariot of orange flames" really gave me an impression of how important "love" in general is... Then so Jules Vernes, in your third stanza, amazingly worded... :) To be as anonymous, and as one with nature, takes a strong soul.... thank you for this outstanding piece of work dear friend.

- Elisa

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much Elisa. I love your work and I am honored by your comments. To be one with something as great as nature is indeed to fly. It is always a pleasure to converse with you.

This was a piece, of connection, and high feelers... I could live in your words. So thank you dear!!!

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear icelandicblue

My opportunity to review you again.

I always review profiles before I review, but I never read anyone else's review.

I wish to form my own opinion and not be influenced by anyone else's

The result of course of reading the profile (and any author's note, be there one) as well as the piece is that you start to understand better the person who is writing and what lies behind the piece.

Your profile often intrigues me:

'wife
mother
teacher
writer
driven
anxiety ridden'

You ring so many positives and then you move onto the double edged sword, which I know to be 'driven' before descending into the vulnerability of your own 'anxiety.'

It does not surprise me then on reading this piece that it perhaps reflects those anxieties and one of your responses to them.

To my review:

First: You delight me by the way you start each stanza and keep it endlessly switching: 'Pour me', 'Slide me', 'Auger me', 'Peel me, Dip me', 'Bury me'.

Two further comments on that score:

1) I like learning. However much the linguist I may be, you have just taught me a new word! 'Auger'. Typical me! I had to look it up! A noun 'A hand tool for drilling'. Apparently (depends whether my dictionary is right or not) it is only used as a noun and not a verb as you use it. But that matters little, that you use it instead as a verb retains if not actually enhances its impact.

Well I can now honestly say, I have learnt something new today. I hope to do that every day. And as you are a teacher, I have ended up your pupil!

2) The end 'Bury me' is so much more dark than what precedes it. The other stanzas are so much softer. But in the final verse, you hit us straight between the eyes with your absolutely blunt conclusion.

Second: I find it fascinating (whether you intend it or not) the way in which you move between the violence (my words) of your first two and last two stanzas, where the middle is rather more gentle:

To make my point:

1st stanza: "partake in its fury as it rises above its banks and taunts the anxious."
2nd stanza: "a chariot of orange flames"
5th stanza: "the dangers of its whitecaps"
6th stanza: "Bury me in the rich sod and leave me there in anonymity."

Whereas in the middle stanzas instead it is:

3rd stanza: "warm my weary limbs in natures womb".
4th stanza: "let me float into curved valleys and lie in the coolness of their insteps."

What I see you doing in this (perhaps in the novels I write) is changing pace and mood to keep the reader guessing and draw them better in. My take. I am allowed as a reader to have my own opinion! With a smile.

Thirdly: There is a beauty in your use of language. A 'melodic sophistication. Without saying too much, I like the way in which you contrast 'blue planet' (I use that word a lot) with 'orange flames'.

Fourthly: Content and philosophy.

It is your anxiety and fear of life which in the end wishes you to be buried in anonymity. But no-one should feel that way. None of us!

That particularly applies to you as I have grown to know you better.

I don't want you to be buried or anonymous.

I want you to keep your feet firmly ON the ground and be YOU.

Albeit your poetry denies it, by what you do here be it with me or others and in your writing, and I am absolutely certainly as a teacher, you have something to tell us all, to teach us all and I for one want to hear it.

Don't hide. Your talents would be so wasted if you did. Apparently that's what they tell me. That I have never believed it either isn't an excuse for either of us!

Let's both be bold, but kind and show our faces for everyone else's better purpose.

Lastly: And frankly this is such a stupid way of ending on such a beautiful piece of writing. Grammar?! Last verse 'was want?'. Perhaps you mean 'was wont?' or 'wanted'. It is important as it could influence the meaning.

At this point of course I feel awful. As an ex linguist / grammarian, I have always feared that all they might be able to give me as an epitaph on my tombstone would be 'He could Spell!" And this review probably demonstrates I can't even do that right!

Anyway. Just go and have a look at what you may mean. I may be entirely wrong and barking up the wrong tree!

Icelandicblue. Sorry this is longish.

But I rarely do short if I am moved and enchanted by a piece and this has just done that for me.

A well written and accomplished poem.

With my best wishes as ever

Your friend

James

[icelandicblue]

James,

There really is no way that I can do justice to your comment. First let me say you are correct and want will become wont. I think the crux of the piece is that to live is to be part of something bigger. The anonymity speaks to the fact that once living is done the body left behind needs no special marker- instead it should return to the soil and become part of the cycle of life once again. I cannot tell you how touched I am regarding your in depth analysis of the poem. You have pointed out things that I didn't see and I thank you for that.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear icelandicblue

Thank you for that.

I see better your own personal meaning in this piece.

And you now see mine.

It has been a shared experience.

And long may it be so.

In all friendship

James

[icelandicblue]

I always appreciate your thoughts and expertise. Thank you so much for reading my work and giving me such wonderful feedback.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Icelandicblue

It really is when pleasure I read such good writing as this.

Your friend

James

[Pete Langley]

This is reminiscent of various indigenous indian philosophies throughout the world - of Innuit, Aboriginal, American native Indians and one of the Buddhist teaching (can`t remember which one) I am in complete empathy with this philosophy. Lovely. P.

[icelandicblue]

I really like the connection that you made. To be one with the forces of the universe is, I think, to live at a higher plane. Thanks Pete.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is quite the way to say..."i want to just blend in" or maybe "i just want to be part of everything in some way---one with nature"---

"Auger me down into the center of the earth" great line..nice use of "auger."

jacob

[icelandicblue]

Being one with nature is to be totally free and wild- at least that's what I was going for. Thanks for reading jacob.

[CookieDough]

Very deep and I love it!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

It shows a fragile submissive lady whose love has no boundaries; she will always give it all for the name of love. Stunning word play and brilliant write.

[icelandicblue]

Marc you are too kind. Thank you so very much.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Your work always amazed me :) your welcome.

[R. L. Ives]

This world is power and beauty. Here you become one with it; from the clouds in the sky to the very core, and in doing so you become a force to be reckoned with, dear poetess.

Beautiful words I which to paint us a picture. :). Magnific

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much R.L.- there is power, beauty and danger in nature and we are all part of it whether we recognize that or not. Thanks so much for your lovely comment.

[Tarry Franck]

Wow - wonderful piece of poetry - loved the imagery and the flow to it

[icelandicblue]

Thanks for reading Tarry.

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Blue,

Vivid Imagery

Always,

A.

[icelandicblue]

Hello-
Thanks for your kind comment.

[Matthew Kult]

Thanks for writing it. Was a joy to read.

[Frieda P]

Brilliant, this one lights up the page, it won't go quietly, it's going to make some kind of ruckus and count! Living life to it's fullest never sounded so poetic, simply lovely blue.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Frieda for the glowing review. You've made my day!

[quinfinn]

trust me, blue....you will leave your mark if you keep writing like this. i think this is superb in the depth of meaning and well worded throughout. a very solid write!

[icelandicblue]

quinfinn I thank you for such a heartfelt review. I am very pleased that you like it.