Man And Beast/ Revised

For Steve and Bella

Your warm breath ripples sweetly across my face,

and although your jaws could rip out my throat I hold out my neck freely to you.

And you, my love, whose hands so filled with power caress my open face

even though those same hands could simply choke the very life from me.

 

But I fear you not, neither one of you,

You who comfort me in the dark abyss in which I lie thinking,

nuzzling me with your cold nose placed perfectly above

sharp fangs that lie dormant in your massive jaw.

 

And then, my love, you who stroke my hair

with the lightest touch from hands filled

with such gentleness and comfort, hands that know

each inch of me literally and figuratively,

 

and not once do I wonder what harm could possibly befall me,

for I know I am safe and cared for by each of you completely.
I hold your warmth along with mine and count myself lucky

to have both man and dog to adorn my life with such loyalty and trust.

You are my family, my solace, my peace, my protectors,
so I must give you all the love and dedication I can muster,
for without you, who might I be, but a woman without the comfort
of man and beast to soothe and tame my savaged soul.

Original

Your jaws could rip my throat out at any time,
your hands could squeeze the life from me should I displease you,
but I fear neither of you not, you two are those who give me
comfort when I am upset, one nuzzles me with her cold nose
just above her set of  massive and destructive and jaws,
and  you, you  stroke my hair with your deadly strong hands with
a lightness of touch, and not once do I wonder what harm could
possibly befall me.

Instead I hold your warmth along with mine and count myself
lucky to have both man and dog to accent and adorn my life with loyalty
and trust. You are my family, my solace, my peace and for those
qualities I give you all the love and dedication I can muster for
without you who might I be but a woman without the comfort
of man and beast to soothe and tame my savaged soul.

Author's Note

Thanks for helping to make this a better poem Robbie.

Reviews

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I feel that reviews generally should give you more of an idea than just a kindly pat on the back. Your last poem I reviewed seemed so complete that I couldn't see a darn thing to change. Perhaps this one is my chance to give suggestions that can be acted on...should you agree with me at all. Please don't take this as a major presumption, but as an experiment I am interested in seeing how I might really give my reflection of your poem for your consideration. This is not my normal thing to do, but I want to ask what you think of this:

Your jaws could rip my throat out
Your hands could choke the life from me
But I fear you not, neither one of you
You who comfort me when I'm upset
Nuzzling me with cold nose just above massive fangs
And you, who stroke my hair with hands of iron grip
This lightness of touch from deadly strong weapons
Not once do I wonder what harm could befall me

Instead, holding your warmth together with mine
I count myself lucky to have both man and dog
An accent to adorn my life with loyalty
Loyalty and trust
You are my family, my solace, my peace
And -for those qualities- I give you all
All the dedication and love I can muster
Without you, who might I be?
A woman without comfort
A ship without harbor
A soul without refuge
Of man and beast I find a home
Peace to soothe and tame my savaged soul

***

Okay, presumptuous, yes, but I am hoping you like it. I was an English tutor for a long time and I prided myself on being about to take people's essays apart and use their exact words to simply put the concepts together slightly differently but to a different effect. That is what I am trying to do here. I know you broke up the lines differently, but I tried to take your cadence and put the most central concepts at the beginning of each line. You may not like it, and I apologize if you don't! I thought this might be a good way to reflect back my ideas of how I can see your poem working though. I very much like it, and I like the juxtaposition of love and terror it creates!! It is true, and rarely acknowledged, the degree of danger our loved ones are capable of being to us, and yet we feel all the more at peace and protected and secure as a result, ironically. I like that statement and the way you made it. There were just some transitions here that were hard for me to understand like, "massive and destructive and jaws..." I thought it would be interesting to try and give you a complete alternate. I hope I am not presuming too much.

[icelandicblue]

You hardly presume too much. I'm not pleased with the format myself. This was more a stream of consciousness and does need work, especially in it's breaks. Usually I labor over a piece before I print it...you caught me i did not on this one. I will be sure to read your suggestions thoroughly and I will be making some changes. Some things I like at first glance, others I am not sure of because my poetic voice sounds lost. Thank you for your time, I know these types of things can be time consuming and thought provoking. It is not an easy task to try and get into someone's head and capture their thoughts, nuances and meaning. I will tackle this later today. Right now I do need coffee. Thanks again for the time and suggestions.I am always trying to improve.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I love that you are courageous enough to post poems you are not happy with or not finished with. I certainly have done that too...maybe more than people know. I hope they don't take my poems as done in all cases!! I don't know your poetic voice nearly as well as you do, so please only take those suggestions from me that work for you. I never would be insulted! I am just grateful if I can be of help in your finding your own voice on a piece better! Coffee is good. I am going to sleep a bit longer and then wake up late so I can stay up late...I am very proud of you for your desire to improve and your being honest and strong enough to post things that are not "done." This is a strong poem though, and worth your time. I already liked it. I just want to help if I can with your making it feel more like a polished thing you could show anyone. We are all among friends here I hope though. This is the place to expose the softer underbelly of some of your work. That is why I love this environment! Here is to personal development and artistic growth!!!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you, I just wrote this proofed it and posted it and it shows. I posted my "sloppy copy" as I tell my students and you could see that right away. Thanks again. I'll let you know when I clean her up and make her all shiny. ; )

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

YAY!! I look forward to it!!!

[icelandicblue]

Let me know what you think. Thanks again.

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow~~~I mean, WOW!!! This is such a lovely poem now!!! I am so glad I could be a part of this!!! It totally works this way, and I love it!! I am complimented in the extreme that you did such a great job of transforming it and using some suggestions and really original thinking to bring out the best here!!! This is what I love about this site!!! We are all better for it!!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow. I really mean it. I think it shines.

[kublakhan27]

Intensely seductive...I was sufficiently riveted by every line of this piece. Awesome work.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much. I haven't been around much, hope to pick up the quill soon. As always- thank you.

[David Scott]

I like the revision!
I remember reading this earlier I think...
This time I understood very well and felt only your complete security and trust.
Somehow, it seems the man becomes the beast far too often and only the dog can be trusted not to bare fangs and rip out the heart.
A unique write indeed.

[icelandicblue]

thanks David- I like your review and I agree with you, I prefer the more polished version. Security and trust are wonderful things to have.

[emmajoy]

The two and four.legged friends you write this for are obviously more than precious - but then, so must you to have them so deeply in your heart. Yes? Your words are wonderful: laced together gently yet openly, sincerely - yet with the respect that separates - near dissects, the human instincts from the animal ones. Love and danger lurks, come what may.

You write with both openess and passon, and, forgive me but I find the original writing far more sincere in its vague lack of structure!

[icelandicblue]

I am pleased you liked any of them. They have a commonality but the original is almost conversational or a stream of thought, the other has a much more formal presentation. Thanks so much for reading and for your kind comment. ; )

[s y e]

Anne - this is absolutely beautifully written ~ You already know that I am a huge fan of your work but this takes it all to another level; you have totally outdone yourself to the point where you have me completely speechless.

You're amazing. Always have been, and always will be.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much my oodles of noodles. What would I do without your wonderful comments. And just so you know I hold them close to my heart.

[s y e]

Awe Anne - my reviews are simply just to remind you how amazing you are. :-))

[icelandicblue]

I am sending you a virtual * hug*

[s y e]

Sending you too //hugs//

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This is a beautiful homage to those who give you unconditional love, who are there to comfort you through good times and bad. Lovely!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much Linda- unconditional love is the purest love of all I think. I appreciate your words. Thank you again.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Interesting mix of human and non human love. Could interpret it as men having two sides to them or man who becomes werewolf. Either way it has a fantasy ring to it in a soft way. But does it betray woman's compliance and insecurity as well?

[icelandicblue]

We see what we see in another's words and I appreciate yours. I do think we all are shades of light and dark and it is the trust that keeps the candle lit and the darkness at bay. I love your viewpoint and if you see compliance and insecurity I don't dispute that although that was not my intention. Each reader brings his or her own background knowledge and viewpoint to each poem and I always appreciate when someone can make me see my own work in a different way. I am looking at my poem now and see more than one facet. Thanks so much Jack.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Ok Jack is the good looking one who writes great poetry so I will not take insult lol

[icelandicblue]

Heh heh, I knew it was you...sorry about the JOHN. ; ) You're the one with the beautiful poetry and the great sense of humor. sorry

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Wow~~~I mean, WOW!!! This is such a lovely poem now!!! I am so glad I could be a part of this!!!

[Joyce S. Greene]

A powerful tribute to the two creatures - man and beast - who provide you with love and protection. I understand what you are saying perfectly, Anne. Though both of your protectors have the power to kill, your trust and love them implicitly, and in turn, they love you completely. A beautiful tribute, I love it!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Joyce for such a nice review.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

A very interesting write...it was worded exquisitely and possessed some sort of powerful depth to it. Great job!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you, we are all at the mercy of someone or something more powerful but it is the gentleness that lies within that makes us trust those that truly care for us. Thank you Gleb.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

It was my pleasure. Indeed, people may seem rough, but they are truly gentle, fragile beings.