Poseidon's Masterpiece

Magnificent creatures they were,
created with a spiritual fervor
that no wide-eyed human
could ever have envisioned.

They appeared out of the white caps
in a muscled elegance of power and grace.
Sea foam flew from manes and tails,
cries pierced the salted air silencing the gulls.

Glistening coats represented every color on the beach,
their sharp hooves pummeled the sand in a restless run
up toward the cliff grass to survey their world.
My heart beat along with each pounding rhythm.

My mouth was dry and my breathing shallow.
I was wrapped tight in their beauty and strength.
In those moments I was different,  I had changed,
and for the first time I felt alive...so very alive.

Reviews

[.]

-- i love the way you wield the english language... you tone is contemporary but you bring out the flavour and fragrance of classical english... -- that's a rare thing to accomplish... and it's only possible if you've done a lot of reading and a fair bit of writing... -- and i especially love the way you took the reader through the journey and then described the "change"... -- this piece is brimming with movement, adventure and life... -- invigorating stuff... :)

[icelandicblue]

I am happy that you felt this one. Thank you so much.

[.]

-- my privilege... :)

[CLBombay]

What's funny is that I ended up reading the poem without reading the title; not sure why. I think my eyes just ended up doing that this time. I actually knew basically what you were talking about, that they were some sort of "godly" horses coming out of the water. Just wanted to let you know that your messages comes out even without the title ;) This was great!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much!

[Ruth]

So vivid! Took me away, completely...just...wow!!! Thrilling and pivotal...crescendo to a Poet's heart! Big smiles here, adore this poem xo

[icelandicblue]

You are always so kind Poppy. Thank you.

[Beccy]

The imagery is wonderful, the picture painted in the mind's eye, first class.

I especially loved the second stanza, you made me see as if I was there.


Beccy.

[icelandicblue]

Now that thrills me to no end. Thank you Beccy.

[emmajoy]

I can only imagine that you intended those stanzas to get longer and longer as the thud of the hoofs raced on and on in in that uncontrollable thud of hoofs.. as if flying across the sky instead of the sand. The picture in my mind is so clear.. your words are so graphic. And I know for sure that there are some sights that grab one up and make body and mind float and then, never forget. Guess whether myth or otherwise, it's a spiritual wonderment.. once felt, never completely forgotten. Beautiful writing.. and more than worth more reads. Thank you for sharing..

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much emmajoy. ; )

[emmajoy]

my pleasure, but please forgive the typos, have tidied a little..:)

[icelandicblue]

My brain fills and fixes typos, so much so, that I rarely see them. That is why I often find mistakes in my work well after I have written it. No worries emmajoy.

[Baby Ricochet]

Love the Greek Myth theme in this one. Great stuff Blue

[icelandicblue]

Me too and I love horses as well. Thanks Baby.

[Matching Socks]

Absolutely enchanting, beautiful poetry from you my friend!
I'm a big fan of Greek and Roman mythology. Egyptian and Norse too. Heck, I just love a good story and poem. Especially yours. :)

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Ana.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Nothing like facing death in the face to make you feel an appreciation for life.
Excellent work my friend.

[icelandicblue]

That is very true Dale. Thanks.

[Frank]

I liked this poem,made me look up the Greek god Poseidon, one of twelve Greek invented gods. A god of the sea, the tamer of horses, who seeded the pebbles on the shore that then birthed pebbled horses. The read was easy and inventive and also instructive.

The first stanza if almost iamic save for line2: maybe it wold be better thus:

/cre ATE/ed with/ SPIR it/FE VOUR?

But, then you change the following stanzas to a free poetry? or maybe it is unintended.

Magnificent creatures they were,
created with a spiritual fervor
that no wide-eyed human
could ever have envisioned.

They appeared out of the white caps
in a muscled elegance of power and grace.
Sea foam flew madly from manes and tails
as their cries pierced the salted air silencing the gulls.

They were every color of the pebbles on the beach
as sharp hooves pummeled the sand in their restless run
up toward the cliff grass where they could survey their world.
My heart beat along with each pounding rhythm.

My mouth was dry and my breathing shallow.
I was wrapped tight in their beauty and strength.
In those moments I was different, I had changed,
and for the first time I felt alive...so very alive.

I still enjoyed it though, powerful and interesting read.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Frank. Meter is not my forte so the change in it is totally unintended. I do appreciate you pointing that out because I find when I rhyme I'm more able to maintain my meter but in free verse it flows the was it flows, or not. I will take another look at the poem to see if I might tighten it up so it reads more easily. Thank you for your thoughts.

[icelandicblue]

typo "the way it flows"

[icelandicblue]

I did tighten the poem up a bit. Thanks for your feedback.

[Frank]

Its a good poem, never hurts to refine, you are welcome

[Rocans]

Nice expression. The name drew me in and it was an amazing read. Hard to find any flaw in this...well done.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much Rocans.