Good Fortune

you'll always find what you need

My eyes illuminated when I first saw you,

A sculpture of utmost brilliance

 

As if you were an artifact 

Highly preserved, hidden -

Finally unveiled

A gasp,

if ever I could lay my hand on you

If you were buried in the depths,

you’d draw dust the same way you drew attention

So effortlessly,

it clings.

I wasn’t expecting your movements to be so realistic -

So genuine

So human 

For someone so clearly worthy

What’s your price? 

I see nothing close in comparison to you,

Your value rising as everyone lines up to take a look

I forfeited the competition before it began.

For you had your pick of offers

But I knew,

not everything hidden wanted to be found

In fact

when you saw me,

and chose without hesitation

I said,

Lucky you 

A treasure such as yourself, 

belongs with an explorer such as me. 

Reviews

[Vin]

A treasure such as yourself,
belongs with an explorer such as me.

Wow! You got me on that one. And it is true that a thing of beauty is a joy for ever!

[emipoemi]

Ksenia,

This is absolutely moving, and I have to wonder at its inspiration. Right from the start I couldn't help but sense some Keats (Ode on a Grecian Urn), and line by line I was hooked deeper and then that ending was quite breathtaking.

But I felt it lacking only slightly in the way you crescendo towards the climax. I don't want you to tamper with it too much because the musicality is freaking on point, but painting "yourself" to the "worthy" - despite the other route being borderline cliché - is a little anticlimactic given we don't understand exactly why. By painting the idol as this work of art, automatically we're drawn to think "you" as "unworthy", and I'm not saying you should spell it out for us (absolutely not!), but we need a tidbit of information that would lead us to feel and internally understand "your" worthiness for this person (you even ask "what's your price?" which further confirms the unworthiness factor. It's a terrific line - and stanza to boot - but a worthy person already would know). Similarly the line about "not everything hidden want[ing] to be found" is a bit confusing, for you last say "hidden" as a reference to the "work of art", but here it seems that it's referring to "yourself" (as the work of art is now essentially "revealed"), and yes, it can be analyzed that "you" are one among a crowd, but the crowd seemed to come flowing in rather than being there at the start. That line being in reference to "you" is a bit problematic (even though it's brilliant) as it undermines everything that comes after and a bit of what came before.

You have some absolutely juicy lines throughout, and made great use of metaphors and imagery to paint this message/story. You only need to be careful about how you're telling it lest you undermine the divinity, integrity, and overall power of the piece. You have no trouble absorbing the reader, but don't mar the magic with lines that could undermine everything.

Well done overall - much enjoyed.