The Way Things Are

betrayal is a blade

whose edge i know too well

i know its heft and balance

and the metallic taste it leaves

on the back of my tongue

when the steel slices into flesh


but i am strong

and i can smile

i'll believe that the blade tastes sweet

that my heart is still whole


but here


on this page


for this once


i can admit:



i am tired of being the good one

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

This review could sound nit-pickish, but please understand that that is because I like it so very much. A poem that I have average regard for is a poem that I do not bother to nit-pick. I pick at poems that I think are within a few tweaks of perfection. So please take my nit-picking as high praise.

I wish it were punctuated. Poets will offer some "artistic" excuse or tell you that they are making some sort of statement by not punctuating or capitalizing anything. But the truth is, it just looks plain lazy. It gives the appearance of someone who wants to be a writer but doesn't have the respect for the words to see that they are properly cared for. The commas and periods that aren't there would be the reader's instructions on how to read your words ... if you had included them. Since you wrote the poem, you hear it perfectly in your mind's ear because you know exactly how it's supposed to be read. I struggled a bit to read the poem properly because I did not know where the stops and pauses were supposed to be. This is what the commas and periods would have told me. A common misconception is that the end of a line indicates a pause in a poem. This is not the case and so, we the reader REALLY need punctuation to know how you want us to read your poem. Think of it as a road map.
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In the line ...

"whose knife edge i know well "

... I didn't like the word "knife" as an adjective at all. My first thought was to use "sharp" but that seemed a tad ... plain. The Thesaurus offered "honed", "serrated" and "whetted". The other option is to write it without any adjective, which I think is also a better option than "knife edge"
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In the line ...

"and the metallic taste it makes"

... I think that the word "makes" is incorrect. Don't you think that "leaves" sounds much better?
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In the line ...

"when the steel slices in to flesh"

... I believe that the words "in to" should be the single word "into"
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People often use the adjective "powerful" to refer to a poem. Often I feel that this is done too freely so as to cheapen the value of the adjective. This poem however, is unquestionably powerful.

You don't throw a lot of whining at the reader. You start off with a strong and resolute voice, the subject is determined to stay that way. Only at the end, does the voice crack a bit to betray the slightest hint of a weakness that is only normal, only human.

[R J Askew]

'I know its heft and balance' shows an acuteness of observation and ability to nail it down vividly. The tonge/steel/slicing lends a controlled sense of violence to the piece. And of course there is a certain attitude of defiance at the end.

[bluessadmood]

I know betrayal,I know its so bitter..I know the knife edge so well
its taste on my tongue and cold steel on my skin
I was always strong,I will always smile
This heart was always so whole
And I know you will never be tired of being the good one,,for its a thing deep inside only a few
I loved this very clever and write,and so wise
lovely write..

[Eagle Cruagh]

Betrayal cannot exist without certain
conditions:

Are both parties committed ?
Was there a mutual understanding ?
Did either party have the ability to
betray the other ?

These questions are asked because
usually one party assumes that all of
those conditions exist. You can not
assume. You need committment.

The words, "I love you" do not mean
that I will be here forever unless other
conditions are met.

You probably know all that stuff and your
poem was just that, a poem.

Your poem is an excellent poem, a story that
is frequently told. It is told usually through
suspicion, false assumptions and misunderstanding.

Thanks for reminding us of the pit falls of love.
'
My rating----- 100 %

------ Eagle Cruagh