and now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

as we spoke
he stroked his words
gently

along my ruffled edges
healing the frayed tissue
softly

taking the damage 
i’d held so close
away

 
to become a forlorn parting gift
he left behind
quietly


and life resumed
emphatically
as if we never were.. 

Reviews

[Crowley]

Devastatingly acute, cuts like a butter knifte, leaving some fairly jagged scars that won't heal no matter how much ointment we apply. Watching the clock and wishing it to move ten times faster so that what will happen will happen. Great write, sad write.

[R J Askew]

I love the thought in the last verse, esp 'as is we never were...' though it is a very sad thought. But what are eny of us? Atoms of life, tiny sparks, brief, gone.

[Jonathan Ballam]

This reminds me of the Beat poets. The simplicity with which you write, echoes and pokes around the writer's head ever so slightly.

I won't say you're an amazing writer. Many people are likely to praise you in that regard (myself being one of them). You're a carpenter of unconscious fragments many of us have left lying around, and haven't had the chance to look at yet.

One more thing, which doesn't sit well with me in the poem. I would take out the words empathically and forlorn. The former would give you a far more crisp ending and give the reader an extra amount of ambiguity which I think is due. Secondly the word forlorn is what I call a "borderline" word.

The border being old english on one side and sentimentality on the other. This word seems to rock back and forth between both words. You're writing about a romantic event. I firmly believe (kinda a hobby horse of mine) that poetry can be romantic and tender without crossing the fine line into mush and slush. It's tough and few writers can pull it off themselves...I damn well know you can. Again that's my opinion and this is your work.

One last thing to consider (while I'm in the editing zone). Doesn't everything resume? Why not say that life trickles, skates, shivers, tumbles, scatters, oozes? That may be me knick-picking again, or just my war-on-cliché getting the better of me.

Overall as a piece of art, there's really nothing defective with this write ;)

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

'as if we never were'..Ah!..that last line..it was magic.Felt that so many times.

[Devons]

The speaker in question is clearly as clever with his tongue as his author is with her words. The gentle persuasion of the writing here is almost like a massage; where pressure is applied artfully in all the correct places then there is more gain than pain. And as with the short but significant journey of the narrative, so the reader feels cleansed and calmed by the conclusion of this method.

PS. A 'tongue-in-cheek' title but a blueprint of understatement in so many words.

[c.m.]

Another amazing piece of work from you...nice job.

[The Flawed]

As you know I haven’t been around for some time, but it’s great to see that some of my old friends are still here and still going as strong as ever (in this case stronger than ever).
I could use some old clichés like “short and sweet” or “less is more” but I’m not going to, (or did I just do so?).
All I know is that I’ve just read it 4 times and the hair in the back of my neck is standing up. You have certainly improved as a writer and this is my favourites of your work (that I’ve read).
But hay, what do I know?

[alan peter kelly]

you give each word a life of its own...i always know where you are coming from and certainly know where you are going...lovely work...

[An owl on the moon]

You are able to breathe such tones and shades into letters... they take on a dramatic life all their own... Richly emotive and haunting in the lingering pain of yesterdays..