The Grief Never Goes Away...

Have you ever tried to move on even though you are still grieving? Well, that person who is having this kind of emotional roller coaster is me...

   It would be 6 years come December since my stepfather had passed away; Throughout all of this time, I have been trying to push on while I had been learning to find a job, and then finally began job searching on my own, as well as managing a schedule in which I write for the very blog in which you are reading right now, not to mention creating ideas and planning for things with my artwork and promoting for my blog(s) and my eBooks…
But somehow along the way, it just seemed as though grief that I have carried since the death of my stepfather has never really left me, regardless of the fact that I’ve been trying to keep a smile on my face. In truth, I miss my stepfather, and the things that I have used to do back when I had been living in Philadelphia-Doing the housework at our apartment while he was out at times, returning his videos to Blockbuster, and even showing him my DVD collection. I miss those times, I really do…Even though I tried to ignore this, it seems that the more I think about the good things that I have done in the past when dad was still alive, the more depressed I become. However, I have been adjusting to this new life in which I am now living with my family, but you know, it sometimes gets hard to concentrate on the things that you should be doing when you have thoughts of your family screaming and cursing right in front of you, and please forgive me if I am wrong, but I do not like the fact that people curse in front of me, since I am a Christian.

And while I had been adjusting to living in this new life, I had wanted to try and show my family, especially my cousins, my own DVD collection, just in the very same way that I had shown my dad, but it seems that they just do not care about my favorite things, and do you want to know something else? My uncle had kept promising that they would scatter my dad’s ashes sometime soon, but I think that they are just too busy with other stuff in their own lives that they think that they just do not care about the fact that my stepfather had died all of those years ago; Don’t they ever think that despite the fact that he is a STEPfather, that he is a part of the family, too? I love my stepdad as if he were like my own father in which I never had…Doesn’t my own family understand that as well?
 

Even after all these years, I still grieve, and I really wanted to tell my own family that I am trying to do these things as best as I can while I am grieving, but it seems they began and still act as if my struggles do not exist; Why can’t those people understand this?! (I know that I should not be writing things like this, but I had decided to write about that to get this off my chest…) As I have mentioned before, my uncle has announced to me time and again that he and the rest of my family would find a way to scatter my stepdad’s ashes, but I would be seeing pigs fly before that ever happens…(please forgive me for writing this…)

Again, please forgive me, but it just makes me so stinkin’ angry that my family just does not realize that I am trying to do the things that I am ordered to do as best as I can while I try to ignore the grief and that every once in a while I would grieve for my stepfather; But being the good Christian that I am, I pray the Lord God to ask to forgive them for not caring, and to help them have their ears opened so that they would see the error of their ways and then repent of the sins and have their hearts opened to let Jesus in.
   And then, hopefully soon, they would finally find a way to scatter my stepfather’s ashes…

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think of my story of my thoughts on carrying on in spite of my grief.